10 Ways Your Home is Destroying Your Love Life
By Kimberly Dawn Neumann
Home may be where the heart is, but it also can be a hookup hindrance. Turns out that what's under your bed, in your bathroom or filling your closet can actually affect your libido, as can dirt and smells. Check out the 10 most common obstacles to a satisfying home love life and expert tips to keep your nook nooky-friendly. Photo by Getty Images.
1. Clutter
"It's the equivalent of bad breath, body odor and being a bad kisser," says organizing and lifestyle expert Dana Korey, founder of Away with Clutter. "If a space is messy, it may make a potential partner wonder what else is a mess in the resident's life." If you're already a couple and the bedroom is filled with unpaid bills, filthy clothes and half-completed projects, "your mind is screaming, 'Do laundry/pay bills/finish projects,'" says Korey. And if you can't relax, you can't get busy. So go through your stuff and decide what to toss and donate and where to store what you want to keep with this advice on how to declutter.
2. Family Photos in Your Bedroom
You love your parents, siblings and kids, but the thought of them "watching" you in action can zap your sex drive. "Keep only photos of you and your partner in the bedroom," says Salvator Manzi, a Feng Shui expert who harmonizes spaces through color, imagery and spatial arrangement. Try pictures of "you two on a favorite vacation. Or to spur feelings of warmth, comfort and sensuality, try using nature scenes, flowers or artwork with smooth curves and warm colors." Also remember that the first thing you see upon entering a room sets the mood, so place these images somewhere attention-grabbing.
Related: Discover the 10 things men wish women knew about sex.
3. Too Many Tech Tools
"Banish all tech from your love nest. Bedrooms aren't meant to be home offices," says lifestyle and brand culture consultant Christine Eisner, author of Comfort Living: A Back-to-Basics Guide to a More Balanced Life. That means no TVs, no iPads/iPods/iPhones/iAnything, but an alarm clock is just fine. "Move charging stations to the bathroom or the closet, and silence devices before heading to bed," advises Eisner. "All these distractions keep you from tuning into your significant other," adds Korey.
4. Gifts from Exes
Keeping objects from former flames keeps memories of that person fresh-and can keep you in a sexual rut. "A reminder of your ex is like tying a string around your finger so you don't forget something," says Manzi. The solution here: Send those emotionally charged mementos to a relative or put them in storage if you can't stand to part with them completely. Out with the old; in with the new. He's an ex for a reason!
5. A Grimy Bathroom
Lots can go wrong in the loo. Hair in the drain or soap scum can make shower sex unappealing. Plus, "I had a client who refused to sleep with her husband because he'd leave his filthy gym clothes on the bathroom counter," says Korey. She suggested he place his dirty laundry in a decorative urn near the bathroom-which saved that couple's love life. Also, consider bathroom odor. If floral-scented spray doesn't do the trick, Just a Drop, which you plop into the toilet before you go, traps embarrassing stenches beneath the water. Bottom line, keep your bathroom tidy and fresh-smelling so you can enjoy getting clean and dirty in there.
Related: Learn the best sex positions for every situation.
6. The Wrong Size Bed
A single/twin mattress isn't sharable, but a king-size one can put you and your love on opposite sides of the world. "The best bed size is one in which you both fit comfortably," says Manzi. But if you opt for a king-size, "sleep at least one night a week starting in a tight cuddle," recommends Manzi. Pay attention to decorative accents too. "A bed overladen with pillows becomes an obstacle to intimacy," says Eisner. "Streamline your bed by getting rid of the pillows that don't speak to you."
7. Out-of-the-Way Sex Accessories
Nothing kills a mood faster than a frantic search for a vibrator or condom. Adult toys, birth control, Viagra and other aids should be easily accessible-for you, but no one else. It's hard to relax if kids, pets or visiting relatives could come across your pleasure products. "A shoebox, plastic bin or handbag can't keep a sex toy collection clean, secure and safe from undesired discovery," says Nina Helms, founder of Devine Toys. Choose storage that's opaque and, preferably, lockable. Just don't forget the combo: Set it to S-E-X so you can't forget in the heat of the moment.
8. Harsh Lighting
Unless you always want to do it in the dark, find ways to create a soft glow in the boudoir. "One-hundred-watt lighting can douse a romantic mood," says Eisner. "Dimmers and three-way bulbs shift you from 'not now' to 'right now!'" So too can a non-flammable scarf over a lampshade, a burning fireplace and candles by the bathtub or on the kitchen counter. "Keep matches within easy reach," urges Eisner. "And extra logs by the hearth."
Related: Find out 9 foolproof ways to initiate sex.
9. Under-Bed Storage
According to Feng Shui tenets, the area beneath your bed should stay clear. "Your subconscious knows what's down there, and it brings up the feelings those objects spark for you," says Manzi. "Lying above objects is like lying on a bed of emotional nails." If space mandates you store things under the bed, select only items related to sleep and comfort, like sweaters, bedding and night clothes. "Hold the item and ask yourself what it reminds you of. Anything that doesn't give you loving feelings can't go under the bed if you want it to remain an amorous place," says Manzi.
10. An Unsexy Bedroom
Ever wonder why hotel lovemaking comes so easily? It's because the rooms are organized and have lovely linens and soft pillows-and nothing that reminds you of anything. Turn your bedroom into an inviting retreat by, yes, cleaning, but also splurging on comfy bedding, cozy pillows and other things that make you want to crawl into bed with your partner. "Tattered, crummy sheets and itchy, old bedding don't feel nice," says Korey. "Add sensation that evokes you physically as well as mentally."
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