10 Ways to Scope Out a Guy By How He eBays

The first sign was a top hat.

It arrived in a large box wrapped in brown paper and bound voraciously with that clear, thick, prehensile tape, prone to yellowing, my grandfather liked to use. My boyfriend, who had just moved- rather, squeezed-into my Manhattan apartment, had found the hat on Ebay. A total steal, he said.

$300

Next came a 1930s cane in a similarly lumpy package-

$225

-and then the "70s Ugly" lamp. And our two used cell phones, which might as well have been made in the 1970s. And 4-foot neon blue, Styrolene hanging fish that's larger than my closet.

$600

All from eBay (and I'm skipping a lot. At least I made him send back the 20-pound cast iron moose head.) I have never indulged, but watching him take to the site like an air traffic controller, made me wonder what you could learn about a guy by his eBay style. "I think you can tell a lot," says Andrea Syrtash, author of He's Just Not Your Type. "Even a little purchase is worth paying attention to because money is the number one cause of divorce."

Here's a little mouse-click anthropology:

HIS AUCTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

He snipes like Roger Federer ripping a winning forehand. Of course, sniping-swooping in during the last 10 seconds to bag the auction-is bidding-as-usual on eBay, but someone who does it masterfully has typically researched, to the penny, how much that Rococo gilded Swedish wall clock is worth. And he's watched how others are bidding. And he's patient enough to wait until the very last second to make his move (or set up a function that automatically does it for him). Translation: This guy is likely to approach other challenges in this methodical, well thought out manner, from how to find your way back when lost on a hike to deciding whether your child should get vaccinated.

When selling, he neglects to photograph the crack in the dresser. Do you see the flashing red light? Look again. "A guy who tries to scam potential buyers," says Syrtash, "will probably lie to you as well."


He's got Post-Traumatic eBay Disorder (PTED). "If he's bumming for a couple of hours after losing a bid, that's normal-especially if it was a valuable item that he missed by a few cents," says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, MD, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. "As long as he can let go of it the next day. Now if he's absolutely going crazy because someone got a pair of mittens at $1.50 over his $1.25, and they weren't even Grateful Dead mittens, that's definitely a little weird." Conversely, a guy who walks away from a loss saying a better deal is around the corner? That's a nice trait to have in the house when one of you gets fired or dents up the car.

He suffers from Chronic eBay Regret. Different from PTED, this is when the "8 pc jumbo screw bolt extractor" doesn't, in fact, have the piece he needs, or when the elegant mauve seats on the 18th Century Irish Chippendale chairs he snapped up for $8000 only looked mauve in the photo; they're actually a scratchy pink material. Did he question the seller? Did he double-check the specs? If he's that careless on a major purchase, what other details will this guy overlook? Hmmm, your needs?

He's a "Buy Now" dude. Maybe he's got better things to do with his time than nickel-and-diming, like Donald Trump (hardly a negative). Then, too, maybe he lacks confidence, or a competitive spirit, as in, I'm not going to win anyway so I might as well just go for the sure thing, says Haltzman. "Which makes you wonder, 'How did this guy ask me out in the first place?' Or did you ask him?" If you like to be in the driver's seat and make all the decisions, you're in luck.

He's in it for the bargains. Does he get so excited about a good deal, he can't say no, even though it's a neon-green unicycle he'll never use (and can't even hang his clothes on?) Is he so bargain-obsessed, he'd always oppose your getting a new car because a used one is a better value? Good to know now.

He spends too much (A): "Impulse buying is a sign he's fun-loving and doesn't get bogged down in practicalities," says Haltzman. "And that's great in a guy you want to have a wild time with. But for long-term plans that involve your financial security? It's maybe not the best trait."


He spends too much (B): "Now if it's on a gift for you," says Greg Kusch, The eBay Guru, "it probably means he really cares about you."


You're on his "watch list." Again, when a guy tags something that made him think of you," says Syrtash, "that means he's into you!"

He wins an auction but never pays. Damaged goods alert! "He is definitely a cheater," says The eBay Guru. Return to seller.



Hey, ladies, what have you discovered about how men eBay?

For more insights into the male mind:

5 Things You Can Tell From His Flirting Style
Why He Doesn't Call
What Turns Men Off (straight from their mouths)

[Photo Credit; Thinktank/Hemera]