11 Ways To Be Terrible At Sex
by Scott Alden for HowAboutWe
1. Fear of Kissing
Look, I know you're trying to keep it casual and everything, but unless money changed hands, kissing is part of sex.
2. Fear of the Missionary Position
Hey! Congratulations on being a porn star, but don't be afraid of doing it regular, either. Jumping right into a weird position makes it seem like you could be having sex with just anybody. You've got to actually look at the person you're schtupping sometimes and figure out what the hell you're doing before you get into acrobatics.
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3. Fear of Other Positions
On the other hand, if the way grandma and grandpa used to do it is your entire repertoire, it's going to get old fast.
4. Saying the Wrong Name
This actually, really does happen. If you're not 100% sure, DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
Related: 7 Things I Learned About Sex From Lesbian Vampire Erotica
5. No "O" Regard
Unless one of you explicitly waives the right, it should be assumed that the sex isn't over until both of you have achieved orgasm. If one of you has to do it yourself in order to make it happen, that's fine, but the other person should at the very least stay awake until "the big moment."
Related: We Still Don't Know Why Women Get Off, Says Science
6. Not Going Down
In this day and age? Seriously? You don't have to do it all the time, they don't have to orgasm from oral alone, but you've at least got to put a little time in down there. It's only polite.
7. Avoiding the Facts
Look, if you're going through a patch of lousy sex with someone, you need to fix it. It's a sensitive topic and you always want to be careful not to blame your partner, but you need to talk about it and figure out what to do differently if you can't figure it out in the sack. Extended periods of unaddressed terrible sex breed bitterness.
Related: 5 Ways To Tell It's Time To Stop Sleeping With Your Ex
8. Being a Jackrabbit
This one's mostly just for the dudes: Take it easy, bro. Building up to some fast, hard, world-rocking sex is great, but if that's all you got? You really need to change up your rhythm every once in awhile, so you can figure out what the other person in bed with you likes.
9. Just Lying There
And to the ladies: My god! Move your hips, touch their butt, grab their face between your hands, whisper dirty things in their ear, do something.
10. Pulling Some Kinky, Taboo Sh*t Without Talking About It First
Even the most open-minded lover appreciates some kind of a heads up. Seriously, though, going to a dark place, mid sex, when you don't know for sure that your partner's into that? Really uncool.
11. Not Listening
It's a given that, if someone actually tells you they don't like something, you stop doing that thing. It's also important to pay attention to other signals, too, though. No everyone is great at just telling you what's okay and what's not okay. I'm not suggesting that you stop and ask someone "What's wrong?" every 30 seconds, but if you notice that they have a faraway look in their eye, yeah, stop and ask.
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