25 tips for booty callers

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Most people don't talk about booty calls. That's part of their appeal: "We don't have to endlessly com-mu-ni-cate because we're not in a serious relationship." People rely on a tacit understanding when it comes to casual sex with their friends and neighbors, and especially their exes. But it's silly to assume that everyone "understands" the exact same set of personal guidelines. The implicit, unlegislated booty call is a complicated procedure, due to varying agendas, the likelihood of miscommunication, and the chance of emotional intimacy. The smart people know that without rules, there are expectations, and those, by definition, make things messy. Even if you don't think you have any expectations, that in itself is an expectation: That you not expect anything of me, that you not sleep over, that you not get mad if I don't call you back. So let's once and for all manage those expectations with The 25 Rules of the Modern Booty Caller:


1. Separate sex from love.
2. You don't need to have anything in common. The ability and/or desire to converse with each other is only necessary if one party requires that as foreplay. (If you do want foreplay, here are 12 little things that make sex so much better.)
3. Both parties must be either single or in open relationships.
4. Exes you are currently friends with make ideal booty call partners. However, if one party broke the other's heart, pursuing a booty-call arrangement is a no-no (at least for 24 months).
5. Unless otherwise agreed upon, after midnight on a school night is too late to call. On weekends, all calls should be made at least five minutes before closing time. (Before makings that call, check out these secrets to improving your sex life.)
6. If you don't want an overnight guest, then make the booty call before sundown. After the sun sets, you've got to resign yourself to the possibility of entertaining all night long--unless you have express rules to the contrary, it is the only polite thing to do.
7. It's best to store your booty call's number in your phone and NOT memorize it, should you someday wish to delete the number (and the person) from your sex life.
8. Booty calls are best made via caller-ID-friendly devices. That way, the receiver can decide whether or not to take the call. If the receiver is not prepared to say yes, he or she should not pick up lest the answer offend or embarrass the caller (e.g. "I'd rather watch Survivor than ----- you tonight").
9. Whenever possible, opt for text messaging a booty call request -- it's the most civilized (i.e safest, i.e. cowardly) form of booty call communication.
10. Though it's understood that most booty calls are made after hours, the world would do well to remember that calls may also be made sober and in the light of day.

Find steps 11-25 here!

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