28 Reasons Thanksgiving is the Least Sexy Holiday

Smitten, Glamour Magazine

by Gena Kaufman, Glamour

Reason number 11.
Reason number 11.

Thanksgiving has many wonderful things about it--most of them edible--but it does not include a boost to your sex life.

Can you guys believe it's just a little over a week until Thanksgiving? I feel like I was so distracted by the election frenzy I forgot all about the impending holiday. And while I love love love Thanksgiving and the week of delicious leftovers after it, it has to be said: Thanksgiving is not sexy. In fact, it might be the least sexy holiday ever. It's got none of the romance of Valentine's Day, it lacks the sexiness of Halloween costumes, and it's much too cold for outdoor barbecues or pool parties.

Here are just a few things that may contribute to a very non-sexy celebration of thanks, whether you're spending it alone or with your guy:

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1. Overcrowded airline travel.
2. Screaming babies on overcrowded airline travel.
3. Screaming babies at your grandma's house.
4. The hangover you're nursing after Thanksgiving Eve, the all important night of judging your old high school friends at the local bar.
5. Being stuck in traffic.
6. The huge fight you get in whilst stuck in traffic.
7. Your mother.
8. His mother.
9. Your drunk aunt who can't stop asking when you two are getting married already.
10. His drunk uncle with a wandering eye and penchant for dirty jokes.
11. Voluntarily sticking your hand into a turkey's cavity.
12. Accidentally sticking your hand on a hot pan.
13. Or jamming a knife in your finger while slicing sweet potatoes.
14. Political, religious or assorted family drama at the dinner table.
15. Your sister's three loud kids who spill everything, everywhere. Loudly.
16. Turkey coma.
17. Tofurkey coma, if you're vegetarian.
18. Pumpkin pie moustache (OK, that's not a real thing but it could be).
19. The way you both unbutton your jeans to make room for seconds.
20. Painful indigestion for the rest of the night.
21. Washing 4,000 dirty dishes and grimy pots.
22. The hideous sweater he wore because his mom bought it for him.
23. The matching footie pajamas your mom bought for the whole family to sleep in.
24. Separate rooms when you're under your parents roof.
25. The fear of overhearing your parents having sex.
26. The possibility of running into your high school boyfriend while sporting sweats, gravy stains and a greasy ponytail on Black Friday.
27. The possibility that your mom will find out that you made out with said high school boyfriend on Thanksgiving Eve
28. Leftover turkey coma, Day 2.

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See? It's just not a holiday that's conducive to sex or romance. And for the love, do not suggest spicing it up with some sort of tacky Pilgrim and Native American reenactment, because yuck.

But hey, sexy or not, I'm more than thankful for an excuse to spend time with my loved ones And by loved ones, I mean my friends, my family, and my mashed potatoes.

What are your Thanksgiving plans this year? What other non-sexy aspects of this delicious holiday did I forget?

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