3 Simple Rules for Winning the Multi-Player Dating Game
By Rosie Munger, BounceBack.com Editorial Staff
The Four Man Plan. "A Program of Three" from Love in 90 Days. Many dating experts and guides recommend seeing more than one person until you are ready to commit, but is it really a good idea to date multiple people at once?
I reached out to my 999 Facebook friends and the resounding response was, in a word, YES.
"Never date just one - you run the risk of becoming overly attached to someone who is not right for you." wrote Jean, 35. Jeff, 35, echoed, "Yes, more than one, then you know you did not make a mistake when you settle down." Although John, 26, quipped that he can only handle one woman at a time, when pressed he admitted that he dates more than one woman until he and a lucky girl decide to be exclusive.
Related: How to Decipher How He Really Feels
Essentially, how many you date at once comes down to an equation of time and interest. Clarissa feels, "I think you should date as many people as your schedule allows - it can be exhausting depending on how much time you spend with each one. At some point, you'll know when to choose one over the others...or not!" A sure sign you've reached your limit is when you start to mix up their names and stories.
Remember these three tips to come out on top:
1. Mystery can be a good thing, yet honesty is the best policy.
Beth, currently single and having fun dating, tells guys that she's seeing other people ".... just not how many. I mean, after all, if you haven't established an exclusive relationship, they're dating other people too." Beth does not just come right out and say it over a romantic dinner. She shares what she's doing "only if they ask...otherwise, no need to say anything."
Marie explained, "Nobody wants to be told they are one of however many. Keep up the mystery, allow the guys some dignity." Jean agreed that it's not necessary to share everything. "Don't be dishonest or lie, but try not to wear your heart on your sleeve, and never show all your cards at once. All men appreciate mystery in a woman."
Nate is the kind of guy who appreciates knowing where he stands. He also admitted, "Honestly, guys get territorial so it might actually make them try harder if they really wanted to be with you." It all comes down to this: if the person you're dating asks if you are seeing anyone else, be direct and say that you are. Remember, however, to keep the details to yourself to maintain everyone's dignity and respect.
Related: 5 Common Dating Mistakes You Don't Know You're Making
Related: Don't Lose Yourself in Loving Him: 3 Must-Dos
2. Pay attention to how you are with each different person.
Jean, married, shared more wisdom. "Multiple boyfriends mean you can compare & contrast personalities and behaviors a bit more rationally, and realize what you need vs. what you think you want." She continued, "Different people bring out different sides of us, so look at yourself in a relationship, see who brings out the best in you & challenges you, and dump the boyfriends who are content to let you stagnate." Jean's advice is right on. If you are not thriving in a relationship, let it go. Stick with the people who not only really like your particular quirks, but who encourage you to flourish and to achieve your dreams.
Related: He's Just Not That Into You: Or Is He?
Related: Dating: So Great for Some, So Hard for Others
3. Remain true to yourself.
Many people, like Heather, only date one person at a time, but that doesn't guarantee an exclusive relationship. If you can't get comfortable with your date seeing other people while you see only him, then you have a decision to make: Get "ok" with it really fast or move on to someone with similar dating preferences.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding that you are a one-man gal, but until you have that "define the relationship" conversation with your chosen man, you have to assume that he's seeing other women. If this makes you uncomfortable, why not change up your game a bit and try dating one other person, too. You may just find you like it, or, even better, you may find someone who is a superior match than the first guy!
Related: Feeling Down About Being Yourself? 7 Things You Should Never Apologize For
Eventually you might decide you want to be exclusive with one of your suitors, or you may opt for a whole new round of options! Remember that the goal is not to be in a relationship as fast as possible with just anyone - the idea is to take your time to narrow your choices until you find the right person for you. In the meantime, what do you do if the dreaded movie moment occurs and you run into one while with another? Marie, an incredibly classy lady, would "Introduce them graciously and smile!"
Have you attempted to date multiple people at one time? How did it work out for you?
Rosie Munger is a California native who loves to travel the world via plane, food, art, music or a good heist novel. She strongly believes that dating multiple people for a while helps you get to know yourself better.
BounceBack helps people find happiness after heartbreak. Click here to get advice from our members.
More from BounceBack:
Want to Get Your Ex Back? What NOT to Do
The Pros and Cons of Taking a "Break"
Opposites Attract, But Can They Last?
5 Communication Mistakes You Don't Want to Make
8 Reasons Why Adopting a Dog Can Heal a Broken Heart
4 Signs You're Carrying Emotional Baggage
How Men Cope With Heartbreak: Decoding The Stereotypes
Are You High Maintenance? What It Actually Means Might Surprise You
Should You Dump The Mutual Friends of Your Ex?
Feeling Like You've Had Enough? 8 Tips to Find Your Balance
Can Jennifer Lopez Teach Us ANYTHING About Love?
