4 Things We Can Learn from the Most Popular Online Dating Profiles in New York City

by Gena Kaufman

Getty ImagesGetty ImagesRecently, New York Magazine's The Cut interviewed four of the most popular daters in New York City, according to OKCupid statistics, meaning the straight man, gay man, straight woman and gay woman who received the most messages in their respective categories. And whatever your sex or sexuality, there's a lesson from each of their profiles in becoming the grown-up equivalent of the Prom King or Queen.

1. Don't be overly flattered by certain types of attention. Sadly, if a guy chooses you as a match, it could mean next to nothing. Obviously, I immediately looked up James, the most popular straight guy in the city to check him out, and when I clicked on his profile, I saw the "He likes you!" notification at the top. I had a momentary moment of "Yup, I still got it!" cockiness, and then I read the rest of the article, which said he just likes every single profile he comes across. Nevermind then! Point is, guys might just be casting a wide net (and then possibly suffering from Swiper's Remorse), and not necessarily singling you out. Don't take it personally!

2. The "casual sex" option can get nasty. Lauren, the most popular straight woman, originally chose to indicate that she was looking for long-term and short-term dating, new friends, and/or casual sex. In her mind, she was just being honest that fresh out of a long-term relationship, she wasn't necessarily looking for a serious boyfriend, but was still interested in going out for drinks and having fun. Fair enough, right? You don't have to be a nun just because you're not ready for something serious. Eventually, however, she changed it after getting so many vulgar come-ons from guys, saying, ""It's like, I'm not a prostitute. But they don't get that." Sigh. Women who admit they enjoy sex being treated without respect? I'm sad, but not shocked.


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3. Sincerity is underrated. OKC's most popular gay woman, Kerry, has a profile described as "utterly sincere" and a "true reflection" of herself, and she says she gets lot of messages from "really nice girls." Since gay women only make up four percent of OKC users, it's possible there's just more time to really read profiles, but personally, I think in a sea of people who try to hard, any online dater would find it refreshing to just have someone tell it like it is.


4. Don't hide your "flaws." Thomas, the most popular gay man, said that he originally left his height (five-five and a half, rounded up to five-six) off his profile altogether, but after meeting up with a date who seemed disappointed, realized he needed to own his shortness as part of the package. It's tempting for all of us to downplay things about ourselves we might not like or perceive as attractive to other people, but you ultimately want to meet people who are attracted to you because you look exactly as you do.

Read their full interviews for more on whether their popularity has translated to dating success, not to mention an interesting perspective on the green light/red light issue we've talked about before.

What do you think makes a user more popular? Would you be into these popular profiles?

More profile tips.

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