5 Hyped-Up Sexual Issues You Can Ignore
We already answered some of your burning questions about whether or not you're normal when it comes to sex (you are!), but it's easy to freak and fret when you're dealing with a sensitive subject, like sex. However, some sexual issues simply don't deserve your distress. Experts say to cool it a bit with these common concerns:
1. Am I normal for liking porn or having fantasies? Yes, says sex therapist Sari Cooper. Some people fear that if they allow themselves this pleasure, it will overtake their lives and make them sexual addicts. "Unless the acts are violent or abusive (rape, harassment, sex with minors) or interfere with one's ability to maintain their job and/or responsibilities as a parent (as in compulsive sexual behaviors) or is illegal (prostitution, thus putting oneself and one's family at risk) most fantasies and consensual sexual behaviors are 'normal,'" she says.
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2. The penis goes limp: Holistic life coach and author of three books on aging the best way possible Hattie Batson uses her own experiences to help clients deal with their fears. She was with a guy who was embarrassed that his penis went soft. "I looked at him with a smile and said, 'That's great. Now I won't gag!' He got hard after that," she says. "A sense of humor goes a long way," Batson says. Sex is not only fun, but it can be funny. "This has to be communicated to overcome impotency, fear, and inhibitions," she adds. "Often a man's low libido is correlated to poor health, back problems, lack of self-worth, or self-consciousness about poor performance and premature ejaculation. This guy needs to lighten up and play without pressure to perform."
3. You can't orgasm: Women who can't ever or have never had an orgasm to the point where they don't know what it feels like is nothing to worry about. In fact, it happens more often than not. Batson believes this is a psychological issue, not a physical incapacity. "I'd advise the woman to seek help from a therapist who can help her release shame and body hatred and provide techniques for achieving an orgasm like erotic videos, a vibrator, a dildo... anything that would allow the woman to experiment without fear and shame."
4. You have little or no sexual desire: Batson points out that women are very critical of their bodies and that takes a toll on their feelings of being desirable. What Batson would tell this type of diffident woman, "Do you think the [penis] is concerned about your size? No way. All it ever cares about is its own size, and if you'll let him put it in." Find a man who is obsessed with satisfying you, Batson advises. Then, you'll start to feel him-emotionally and physically.
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5. He's got a small penis: We hear about the story too often. Girl meets guy, girl sees guy's member and is instantly disappointed. Should she throw in the towel? Batson says that if a guy's penis is really small, there's no need to freak out. As it turns out, it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean. "It's rarely the size of the penis-more like the size of his ego. It's only when a man is self-conscious about the size of his penis that it's hard for his partner to orgasm," she says. "If he's skilled in satisfying a woman (usually orally) and doesn't call attention to the size of his [penis], the woman will have orgasms." Batson also points out that men with small penises often put more energy into pleasing a woman, so it can actually be a plus.
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