5 Inanimate Objects so Sexy I Would Totally Marry Them

The_Stir

Have you ever looked at a laundry basket and felt a familiar stirring in your groin? Has a coat tree ever caught your eye and stared back coyly, its multiple arms and wooden pegs reaching out like an invitation for love? No? Well, me neither. Seriously. But we may be in the minority.

The Frisky just had an article on the inanimate objects people love, and the results will scare you. One man got his penis caught in a drain pipe (yes, seriously). Another woman can't get off unless she has her beloved laundry basket. And yet another loves a vacuum cleaner.

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Look, I am not one to judge (read: yes I am), but this is a touch weird. In the spirit, however, of love and acceptance, I will create a list of 5 potentially hot and sexy inanimate objects. Here they are:

  • Clothes driers: I know one too many women who got to know their family dryer really well in their childhood. I'm just sayin' ... He is pretty sexy with his quiet shaking, epic warm and comforting clean, and fresh smell. Admit it.

  • Vibrators: What else gives you so many waves of pleasure with so little work? I am sorry, but a vibrator is a pretty lovable and low-maintenance boyfriend. I could see easily falling in love with one.

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  • Motorcycles: Let's face it, a man who rides a hog (um, is that what the kids call it nowadays?) is hot, but the hog itself is way hotter. It vibrates (sensing a pattern?) in all the right ways, goes super fast, and knows how to treat a lady. Yes, please!

  • Stiletto boots: Dear Lord, I know at least five pairs of stiletto boots I would gladly marry and even attempt to procreate with. I could sleep with shoes and give them all the love and care they need. Shoes rarely break your heart unless they break a heel, but even then, it's nothing a great cobbler can't mend.

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  • A good stroller: There are few times I have said I was going to marry an object that wasn't real, but my jogging stroller is definitely one of them. I love it so much, I doodle its name with hearts in my notebook. What? That's not normal??

Do you love any inanimate objects?

Image via UggBoy♥UggGirl [ PHOTO // WORLD // TRAVEL ]/Flickr

Written by Sasha Brown-Worsham on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

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