5 Singles' Setbacks and How to Get Back on Track
By GalTime's Dating Diva Jennifer Oikle, Ph.D.
Dating should be carefree, easy, and fun, right? But let's be honest, more often than not, dating feels like being thrown into the lion's den where you have to fend for your life. In fact, for every stage of dating there's a challenging beast waiting to be slayed.
But, upon closer examination, each of these beasts is simply an emotion inviting you to master it. And once you do, dating really can be an exciting adventure that's all about uncovering the best possible you who then meets the man who is your true match.
To reach that happy ending you've got to learn to skillfully ride the waves of emotion that threaten to take you off track. Let's take a look at how to master the emotional setbacks in each stage of dating so you can slay the beast and move on to finding your prince in record time.
SETBACK 1: A Dry Spell that Resembles a Desert
When you can't seem to land a date no matter what you do, it's easy to start feeling hopeless, like you'll be alone for the rest of your life. Your refrain can become, "Why bother," which leads to shutting down and refusing to take any action at all.
Conquering Hopelessness
Hope is a natural byproduct of staying in motion. So, take action toward your vision of love and stay in motion no matter what.
Getting Back on Track
Join a new singles Meetup group, grab a single friend and make a weekly date to venture into places where the opposite sex hangs out, talk to a cutie whenever you are out.
SETBACK 2: A String of First Date Dead Ends
The only thing worse than no dates are several bad dates in a row, which can easily send you willingly back to the couch with a pint of ice cream to soothe your building frustration with the state of men.
Conquering Frustration
When first dates don't turn into second dates, it's easy to feel irritated, like your effort isn't worth it. That's because you have a specific outcome in mind: finding a boyfriend. What if you shifted your outcome to something larger and more meaningful? Like uncovering your best self. What if you made every date an experiment in how you can act like your best self? Then no matter what happens with the guy, you still come out a winner.
Getting Back on Track
Be your authentic self during the date by sharing what you are most passionate about, practice being honest at the end of the first date by saying how you really feel about going out again, seek to be an empathic listener, drawing out the best in your date.
Related: 5 Biggest First Date "Deal Breakers"
SETBACK 3: A Promising Beau Disappears into Thin Air
Barely anything can be more disappointing than when you finally meet someone and within a matter of weeks, they simply "poof"-- disappearing with little explanation.
Conquering Disappointment
When a blossoming love connection suddenly ends, it's easy to focus on the What-If's-- all the reasons they seemed to be The One, rather than on the fact that obviously you weren't meant to be.
Getting Back on Track
Make a list of all of the reasons he really wasn't a good fit, ask your friends to remind you of your list when you start idealizing him, refuse to reminisce about the "good times."
SETBACK 4: A Freshly Broken Heart
Nothing hurts worse than a new breakup, when your world seems to crash down around you. Feeling rejected, the idea of being loved again seems like a long-lost dream.
Conquering Rejection
When a relationship comes to an end, it's easy to take it personally and really get down about yourself. But the fact is-- breakups happen because the match between you both isn't right, not because one of you isn't good enough.
Getting Back on Track
Focus on the ways the match between you didn't work, make a list of all the qualities that make you a great catch- the reasons the next guy will be lucky to have you, practice offering love to those around you.
Related: 5 Signs He'll Be Good in Bed
SETBACK 5: Surprise! Your Ex is Dating Again
It can be quite a slap in the face to see your ex is dating again, whether you run into them at the movies or see his online dating profile active again. That twinge of jealousy can be sharp and nagging, as you play out all sorts of disturbing scenes in your head.
Conquering Jealousy
When you broke up, it was because you both deserved something more, something better. Avoid playing out the scenes of his new relationship in your head and focus on yourself instead.
Getting Back on Track
Take some deep breaths and remember to let go, find the place inside of yourself that really does wish him happiness, and do something nice for yourself to feel beautiful and sexy.
By learning to work with all of the emotions that crop up during the dating cycle, you can avoid getting stuck and more easily shift from one stage to the next, until the perfect partner shows up in your world!
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