5 Things Not to Tell Him About Your Ex
Cosmo and AskMen.com teamed up to discuss what we hate to hear about our new flames' past relationships. Here, the male editors of AM tell Cosmo girls how to bend the truth so you don't bruise his ego.
1. Don't say: "He broke my heart."
Relationships end. More often than not, they don't end smoothly. While this admission of past heartbreak at the hands of the ex might sound like a reassurance for the current relationship, it actually means something completely different in the mind of the average male. Even if the ex was a jerk, and you never want to be with him again, the fact that you are still dwelling on the past or carrying baggage makes it seem that in some odd way you still think about the ex. He doesn't want to know you think about the ex for any reason.
What to say instead: "We've all been hurt."
Even if the ex ripped your heart out, don't make it seem like you are hung up on it. You are with a great guy now, and that's all that matters. He might have experienced the same in a previous relationship, but do you want to hear all about how some woman scorned him and he is still licking his wounds? Let the past live in the past.
2. Don't say: "He brought me here once."
Neither of you is naive. Both of you led a life before love thrust you into each other's arms. But when it comes to doing things as a couple, it's best to pretend you've never been anywhere. Ever. You spent the previous few years locked in your apartment living life through a view finder you found in your parents' basement. ("Hey look, the Grand Canyon!") Every experience is new and something that you and the current boyfriend are sharing for the first time together.
What to say instead: "I've been here before, but I can't recall when."
This doesn't mean lie. If he asks if you've ever been to a certain restaurant or seen a certain show, say that you have but can't recall with whom and for what reason or occasion. If he keeps pushing the issue, you can then mention it may have been with an ex. He will drop the subject and the destination idea because he won't want to take you there anymore. It's fine: You wouldn't have liked SeaWorld the second time anyway.
3. Don't say: "He was funny."
Guys love to make women laugh, especially because every woman on the planet is looking for a mate with a "sense of humor." Since we aren't all funny, pickings will be slim. But every guy thinks he is a riot. Even if the ex was pee-your-panties hysterical, the new guy doesn't want to know he would only be the opening act if they were in the same room.
What to say instead: "You are the funniest guy I've ever met."
He is the funniest guy you've ever met. Repeat that line until it soaks in or you start believing it as gospel truth. Sure, this might be a lie, but you might not be the best cook/ best dressed/ smartest woman he has ever dated. He just knows better than to tell you the truth. A little white relationship lie never hurt anyone.
4. Don't say: "He was good/bad at sex."
The topical minefield of any relationship. One wrong step or word and BOOM! You are alone again and man-less. You would think guys would want to hear all about how terrible the ex was in bed. Well, we don't. Why? Because if he was so terrible, and you stuck with him for so long, then we could be terrible and you'd never say a word. We also don't want to hear anything sexual about your ex because the next time you are in the middle of the doing the sweaty belly bump, the story will cross his mind. And obviously, if he was a sexual dynamo, don't breathe a word. Find out what guys really think about sex.
What to say instead: "There were good and bad times in the bedroom."
It's the Switzerland of sex answers. Totally neutral. Ironically, it's probably the truth. Only in porn and Matthew McConaughey movies is sex wonderful 100 percent of the time. He knows this is the truth because he has had more than his fair share of really great sex and stuff so bad he thought he was on a hidden camera show. In all cases, it's best to just avoid the topic of sex with other partners in all situations. Unless it involves filling out medical forms. Then you should start asking a ton of questions.
5. Don't say: "He made good money." Did the old boyfriend make a ton of money? Keep that info to yourself. If the new guy finds out he makes less money than what you're used to, he will feel incompetent. Men like to feel that they can provide everything for their women, from the sexual to the store-bought. What to say instead: "Salary isn't that important as long as you do what you love." Let's hope this is actually how you feel. But seriously, a guy can feel insecure if he decides he will never make enough dough to buy all the things both of you want in life. Just remind him that it doesn't matter how much we make, just that we are happy. Also remind him that he doesn't have to spend every dime he makes on making you happy. He can make you happy spending money on himself. He can start by buying some clothes for going out that don't involve his favorite sports team.
What to say instead: "Salary isn't that important as long as you do what you love." Let's hope this is actually how you feel. But seriously, a guy can feel insecure if he decides he will never make enough dough to buy all the things both of you want in life. Just remind him that it doesn't matter how much we make, just that we are happy. Also remind him that he doesn't have to spend every dime he makes on making you happy. He can make you happy spending money on himself. He can start by buying some clothes for going out that don't involve his favorite sports team.
Want more? Read five more things you should never say around your new guy- and find out what to do if you ever fun into your ex!
Read more at Cosmopolitan.com!
5 Signs He's About to Propose
Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig
5 Times You Shouldn't Text Him
Body Language Decoder
What Men Still Don't Get About Women
Want More Sex & Love Advice? Subscribe to Cosmo & Save up to 71%!
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
