If only medicine bottles looked as classy as they used to.By Rose Annis for HowAboutWe
You know how it goes -- a prospective love interest invites you over for the first time, you make yourself comfy on his Grateful Dead tapestry-draped futon, throw back a glass or four of Chianti, and discuss your hopes and dreams/ the implausibility of last night's episode of Whitney. This stage of dating is called the "Getting to Know You" phase, and unfortunately everyone has to do it at some point or another. But, there is a way to fast- forward the whole process. Simply tip back that glass of table wine and make a B-line for his bathroom.
On the scale of 1 to Home Invasion, a quick survey of your date's medicine cabinet falls low on the Stalker Spectrum. It's like the I.R.L. version of scoping his friends of friends list on Facebook -- just don't get caught!
Is He Crazy?
Who doesn't have a mood stabilizer or two in their medicine cabinet? That's not what we're talking about here. Does your date seem to have an unnecessary number of any one product? If he has, say, 74 travel-size cans of shaving cream stored under his sink, you may be in the den of an extreme couponer. Proceed with caution.
Related: 5 Bad Habits Women Have In Bed
Is He Vain?
Not to diss a well-groomed man, but any dude with his own flat iron is probably a total drag in the morning. The same goes for any guy who owns more than three hair care products, one of these or these .
Is He Single?
You should probably know the answer to this one before you get too comfortable, but just to confirm your suspicions; no, he's not just trying to be considerate towards his menstruating lady friends. No single man has tampons in his house. He also doesn't have monogrammed towels with someone else's initials, nor does he use that pink toothbrush. While you're in there, you might want to peek to see if he's taking meds for a communicable disease.
Related: 5 Sexual Role Play Scenarios That Aren't Played Out
Is He Boring?
As you stand at his sink, washing your hands with that dried out bar of soap, examining your makeup under a single 40-watt bulb, are you secretly asking yourself "Is this the best it's going to get?" Because if all he's got going on in his bathroom is a stick of Old Spice and a few water-logged issues of Maxim, then the answer is "Yes".
Is He a Drunk?
How many types of stomach medicine does one dude need? The same goes for painkillers. And what's with all that toilet paper? He must spend a lot of time in….oh. eww. Nothing like dating a guy who constantly smells like mouthwash-because he just drank yours.
See also: 6 Texts You Should Never Send to Someone You're Dating
photo via ilamont.com