5 Ways To Avoid Whiskey Dick

Alright guys, the last thing you want is a wet noodle or a soft pretzel during your Oscar winning performance in bed with your partner. One minute you're giddy like a little school girl and ready to do the dirty dance and the next you're crying into your pillow. Guess what? You got whiskey dick. Congratulations! You have failed but there must be a way to redeem yourself right? You might not be able to go for a second round tonight but you can take the necessary precautions to avoid sporting a flaccid member the next time you decide to bump uglies. Here are five ways to do such:


5. Exercise

Studies have shown that increased levels of testosterone can help increase the libido of males and females. You know what that means? All of you couch potatoes out there more than likely have a low sex drive and your third leg tends to stay dormant inside of your jogging pants. Running and jogging seem to help, so why don't you go out for a couple of laps and try to mount something.


4. Morning Sex

Testosterone levels vary for men and women throughout the day. For men, their levels are highest during the morning and lowest in the evening. Want to avoid whiskey dick? Have sex in the morning rather than the night! Why not propose a morning romp around with your sex partner? Use that morning wood for something useful! A moderated routine of morning sex can increase your libido. Ladies, if you're not familiar with morning wood, it's a morning erection phenomena that still boggles our minds to this day. Use it wisely.


3. Eat Healthy

That's right. It turns out if you eat nothing but Burger King and McDonalds, your trouser snake might be in a coma. You should have listed to your mom when she said "Don't sit so close to the TV!" and "Eat your veggies!" Certain foods possess more aphrodisiac properties than others. For example, celery contains androsterone, an odorless hormone released through male perspiration and turns women on. Other foods that get your pork sword going are raw oysters, bananas, avocados and almonds.


2. Male Enhancement Products

Male enhancement products such as Hard Knight use a formula of herbal extracts and vitamins to increase blood flow to your organic dildo. Accompanied with a good diet and proper exercise, you can use these to your advantage. Of course I would regulate your intake so you're not rocking an unnecessary stiffy for too long.


1. Don't Drink Too Much!

Drinking too much is the number one cause of whiskey dick. This should be obvious. It isn't limited to Whiskey either. Whatever the alcohol might be, too much of it will ruin your love muscle's solo act. Chances are if you're drunk enough to try to rip a tree out of the ground with your bare hands, then you're too drunk to do the dirty deed.

I hope this information was helpful and equally hilarious. I can't stress enough, DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH! Alcohol is no substitute for confidence. More than likely you'll end up looking like a tool and your sex partner….well…..former sex partner will not be satisfied with you. So what are you waiting for? Stop limping around like a flaccid penis and get to it!