'50 Shades of Grey' Lovers Contract Will Save You from Vanilla Sex

Fifty Shades of GreyFifty Shades of GreyHaven't read at least one book in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by now? Here's betting you have at least one gal pal who's talking about "trying out" some of the kinky bits from the books. But where are all the ladies drawing up their Christian Grey-style sex contracts?

Ladies, you are missing out. Yes, even if you're a gal who prefers the kind of bedroom action Christian Grey calls "vanilla sex," you could do with a sex contract. Actually, you're the perfect type.

Lost?

Let's lay this one out. The contract between sexy dominant Christian Grey and his submissive-to-be Anastasia Steele was all about limits. They had "soft limits," aka stuff that she'd be willing to try but wasn't so crazy about; and "hard limits," the oh-hell-no, never will I try that kind of thing.

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And that's exactly the kind of thing every couple should lay out ahead of time. Not just the playful folks into BDSM. EVERY couple.

It would take two hands to count the number of women who have let it slip during one of those bear it all girl talk sessions that their guy has "tried" something in bed that they were not cool with. Usually it's some anal action, which, you know what? To each her (or his) own. These gals were not cool with him trying to make an entrance without her explicit approval. They all stopped it; there was no rape going on here.

Sadly, it all could have been prevented with some good, frank pre-sexy times talking. I'm about 90 percent sure that half of these guys didn't KNOW just how uncomfortable their ladies were with this kind of sexual activity. It should be common sense: tell your partner what you want. But too few women do. In one sex survey undertaken by Kent State University, two-thirds of the women polled said men often misinterpreted how intimate they wanted to be.

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The whole reason you're doing this is because you want to enjoy yourself, and part of that is knowing you can trust your partner. But how can you trust someone who doesn't know what you want and don't want? No wonder you're having vanilla sex ... he doesn't know you'll go a little farther, and you're too afraid he'll go TOO far. Is that really the sex life you want? It doesn't sound terribly fun to me.

You don't need a lawyer to write up contracts a la Christian Grey. But a verbal contract that runs down your hard limits and your "OK, but take it slow" soft limits before you do the deed is something that improves intimacy. If you're not afraid, you can totally let go. And you know what happens when you let go, don't you?

What are your "hard limits" in bed?

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Written by Jeanne Sager on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

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