6 Pieces of Marriage Advice to Ignore

By Brie Schwartz, REDBOOK.

Pardon the cliché, but relationship rules are meant to be broken. Though people love to offer marriage advice--You don't have to be best friends! The path to your husband's heart is through his stomach! (I really hope that one's not true)--none of it matters if what you're doing works for you. Even if your system is in direct violation of all of those hackneyed guidelines, rebel away.

1. Don't go to bed angry

There have been times when I literally wept--yes, wept, not cried--myself to sleep because I was so frustrated. During those instances, I was hangry, hopped up on hormones, and acting completely irrational. That's when the best way to end the senseless string of insults and crazed behavior is to just go to bed. At some point in the middle of the night, I'll find my husband's arm around me, and the next morning, I wake up feeling silly, and I apologize, and we move on. Sure, it's not that easy with the big stuff, but sometimes a foul mood you simply can't shake leads to instigating stupid fights. When that happens, going to sleep upset could be the only thing that can bring you out of your funk.

Related: The Top 10 Complaints from Unhappy Husbands

2. You need to have the same hobbies
On pretty, springy Saturdays, I love tuning to the "Ladies Love Cool Jams" station on Songza and going for a jog. My husband claims that running anywhere besides on the elliptical will give him shin splints, so he's content to stay home and catch up on Game of Thrones while I'm gone. When I get back, he'll ask me how many cute puppies I sprinted (er, walked) past, and I'll check in on the dragon lady with the pretty braid (which basically exhausts my knowledge of the show). Though there are plenty of activities we don't partake in together, we always take the time to acknowledge and chat about each other's interests, and for us, that's enough.

3. You shouldn't have to tell him what you want--he should just know

Your husband isn't a mind reader. Thank goodness for that. Do you honestly want him to know the real reason you turned down his most recent frisky advance is because you were feeling way too gassy to get it on? If you have needs, it's up to you to express them. We can all be a little dense sometimes, so if you point out how much you admire the way your girlfriend and her husband communicate, he might just assume you're making conversation, not dropping hints about your own relationship. Be explicit. When it comes to real-life stuff, and even gifts, make wish lists and talk about your desires rather than just setting him up for failure when he doesn't make the correct and not-so-obvious assumptions.

Related: 7 Ways You KNOW You Belong Together

4. Always apologize
Sometimes you're just not sorry, and there are few things more aggravating than hearing, "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry if what I said hurt you, but…." If you're not ready to admit to being at fault for anything--perhaps rightly so--then wait until the two of you can have a clear-headed, non-heated conversation about whatever is bothering you. In my house, a canned apology can result in throwing stuff. Mostly socks.

5. You should always express what you're feeling
On occasion, I'm cranky because I catch my husband lingering a little bit too long on an attractive high school classmate's Facebook post. I get a sour expression on my face and he asks me what's wrong. I certainly don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I get jealous on occasion, and I especially don't want to reveal that I'm momentarily acting a little batshit. So I tell him everything is fine--which, in actuality, it is--and we move on. I come from the school of excessive chattiness, but not everything needs to be hashed out. In situations when we know our mood shifts are not based on anything substantial, it's best to just keep calm and have a cupcake/nap/reality check.

Related: 7 Signs Divorced Couples Say They Missed

6. Divide chores evenly
My husband is passionate about shrinking my clothing. This could be because I own a lot of billowy blouses and he doesn't get that's the style. Or he could just be lousy at doing laundry. Luckily, he makes a mean salmon, so even when it's my night to cook--or spring for Chinese--he often takes over. Our division of labor isn't always even, but it's fair. As long as neither of you feels like you're being taken for granted, stick to whatever system keeps you both sane and your shirts bleach-stain-free.


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