What’s on Your Sexual Menu?
by Kristen Mucci-Mosier
Bored with the same old, same old between the sheets? Weary of tired tips suggesting you just need to "schedule sex" (despite being exhausted after a long day at work) or "light candles" to set the mood? One sex therapist has a new approach for expanding your "sexual menu."
New York City-based psychotherapist and sex therapist Suzanne Iasenza, PhD, says that couples tend to have a "one-item sexual menu." In her article, "What is Queer About Sex?: Expanding Sexual Frames in Theory and Practice," for Family Process magazine, she compares sex to dining out. "Imagine going to a restaurant and ordering the same meal every time."
Do you and your partner like to eat the same thing every time you go out? Probably not. "One (partner) may prefer fast food (a quickie) one day and a leisurely meal (making love) next time," says Iasenza. To add variety, she says you need to know what you want, express it clearly and work through differences.
Tips for Discussing Sex With Your Partner
To help her clients get started, Iasenza encourages them to create a "sexual menu." Each person makes a "menu" of the sexual items or activities they might like to try (including appetizers, entrees, side dishes and desserts), then the couple brings their lists into therapy to discuss.
Why not try this at home? Take some time to create your menu and encourage your partner to do the same. Make sure there is something on your lists to appeal to all five senses - smell, taste, sight, sound and touch. And don't censor yourself; there are no wrong or right desires. Later, share your menus without judgment, talk about the offerings and choose some items to try from both.
Enhancing Your Sexual Experiences Through Your Five Senses
And the best part? A sexual menu has no calories, so you will always have room for "dessert."
