9 New Dating Rules that Will Help You Get the Guy You Want

In her new book, The Gaggle: How The Guys You Know Will Help You Find The Love You Want, Jessica Massa coins a new dating term every girl should know. Say hello to your gaggle: the group of guys already in your life that will lead you to Mr. Right. Here's how it works...

By Yelena Shuster

Think of Every Guy as Part of Your Gaggle
"Your gaggle is the group of guys who you might not be 'dating' or in a defined relationship with, but who fulfill some sort of need in your life," Massa explains. "They are helping you figure out who you are, what you want, and what type of man you ultimately desire." These dudes can include The Hot Sex Prospect, The Career Booster, and The Ex-Boyfriend Who's Still Around.

Don't Wait for a Date
Let this be your new mantra: Everything and nothing is a date. "You'll be missing out on all sorts of opportunities to connect with guys if you're simply waiting for them to ask you out," Massa says. Every interaction counts, from the conference room to G-chat to the soccer field.

Use Your Computer
Start seeing technology as a useful tool to get to know guys better. When you hear a song you think a guy would like, send it to him on Spotify. Start a Words With Friends game. Leave a flirty comment on his Facebook status. Before you know it, your convos will be getting offline.

Related: 7 Signs He's Not The One

Want to Hook Up? Do It.
Living in the moment can and does lead to living together. And if it doesn't work out, it's not because you hooked up too soon.

Be Open
"Instead of trying to micromanage your love life, create open spots for men, planned or unplanned, to fill," Massa says. Next time you're buying concert tickets for a band you love, buy two-and don't immediately decide who gets to be your plus-one. For once, don't jam your calendar with plans a season in advance. Make yourself available to who you might meet and where the evening could take you.

Explore Things With Your Guy Friends
"The more you're open to letting guys show you all the different sides of themselves, the more likely you'll surprise yourself and fall in love with one of them," Massa explains. In a bowling league? Suggest grabbing a beer after the game. Or ask your casual hook-up to get brunch. The key is getting the guy out of a familiar context.

Related: Girly Habits Men Don't Understand

But Get Them Alone
Still not sure if there's chemistry? Score some one-on-one time. Until you do, a guy may not even realize you're into him. That's what happened to one guy Massa interviewed who met his now-fiancé on a volleyball team. Only when they finally went out to dinner together did they both realize their connection.

Stay True to You
Finally, you and The Prospective Boyfriend are doing something romantic that could lead to something serious. Remember that he's already your friend, so there's a whole lot that he likes about you, Massa says. Change yourself, and you risk it getting weird. That means no crazy makeup or boob shirts when he's used to seeing you casual. Go for subtly sexy instead...and then rachet it up after a few dates.

Understand His Motives
In her research, Massa found that millennial men are still figuring out their futures, careers, and identity, and many don't want to make a move on their potential girlfriend until they have those things figured out. You can tell he's into you if he doesn't hit on your friends and always treats you with respect. Another sign? He's in a transitional phase of his life. So, if he's good about keeping in touch and not treating you like a hook-up, keep this guy on the short list. He may just need one more promotion before he gets the guts to go for you.


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