The 9 Worst Date Nights Ever
If you've ever found yourself groaning that date night's gotten too monotonous-and hey, we've been there-you haven't read these horrifying, laugh-out-loud, and anything-but-boring tales. Takeout and TiVo are looking better already. By Penny Wrenn, REDBOOK.
Citizen's arrest
"About two years ago my husband, Andy, and I witnessed a hit-and-run on our way home from dinner. I usually avoid any and all dangerous situations, but in this case it seemed so unjust that I yelled, 'Follow that car!' We trailed it for 30 minutes while on the phone with the police, ultimately ending up at an apartment complex, which we sat outside of until the police arrived. Date night: Avengers-style." - Cana, 24, Birmingham, AL
Eat up
"My husband and I celebrated our fifth anniversary by splurging on a big dinner at a fancy restaurant in New York City's Central Park. We were seated at a perfect table overlooking the beautifully lit outdoor area, happily sipping our wine and leisurely eating two bowls of delicious lobster bisque. Then, it struck me first: a tummy rumble so loud I swore the next table could hear it. By the time our entrées came, we couldn't take it anymore, and begged our waiter to wrap up the food. We then proceeded to sprint down Central Park West, trying to beat the lobster bisque to the bathroom. We spent the next three hours taking turns on the toilet, which made for the least romantic date of either of our lives. To this day, we both refuse to eat lobster bisque." - Marisa, 30, New York City
Lackluster lap dance
"I wanted to do something special for my husband's first birthday of our marriage, and I thought a sexy sleepover would be perfect. He came home from work exhausted, so I instructed him to relax on the couch while I got ready. I was nervous, feeling silly rather than sexy, but I refused to chicken out. I'd picked a background song for my little performance, so I pushed play on the stereo and sauntered sexily into the living room. There, I found my husband fast asleep, snoring loudly, and still wearing his boots and hat. I felt too sorry for him to wake him up, so I merely covered him with a blanket and took my scantily-clad self to bed-alone." - Tsara, 38, Teague, TX
Related:25 Greatest, All-American Dates
Featured entertainment
"My husband, Mike, and I went to see a free summer movie in the park, complete with a picnic blanket and basket and lots to eat and drink. But soon after the movie started, I got up to go to the bathroom, and on the way there I tripped over a cord and the outdoor screen went blank and everyone started booing. It was pretty clear I was responsible for the mishap, but since I still had to pee, all I could think to do was continue to the ladies' room. It wasn't exactly my best showing of grace under pressure!" - Anjel, 36, Atlanta
Rain on our parade
"For one of our first dates, my wife, Jessica, and I drove to our local Chili's. It looked like it was about to rain, so I warned Jessica that we'd have to make a dash for it. I intended to let her out quickly then get back in the car to lock up, but instead she closed the door behind her-and it locked with the car still on. I didn't have a spare key, so we merely waited until some very kind locksmiths coincidentally pulled into the parking lot. (This was after I'd run around, desperately looking for some kind of makeshift car door-unlocking tool.) I was so happy that I offered them the $25 gift card that I'd planned to use for my date. So with no money, wet, and exhausted, Jessica and I headed next door to Arby's. I can't believe I got her to go out with me again." - Vincent, 28, Hollywood, FL
Related: Your One-Month Plan to a Closer, More Loving Relationship
The glass is not half full
"After a stressful trip to take care of my grandmother's funeral arrangements, my husband met me at the airport so we could go out to dinner. When I saw him, I took off running, full speed ahead, with my wheelie bag in tow. I expected the automatic doors to, well, automatically open, but no such luck. I smacked right into the glass, making a sound so loud that the entire baggage claim area went silent. I attempted to recover by sitting down on a bench, but I misjudged how close I was to the seat and fell to the ground instead. I was howling with laughter, but people assumed I was in shock. They probably still do, since I couldn't pull it together long enough to reassure them that I was okay, and that this debacle was just par for the course with me." - Katherine, 37, Lancaster, PA
We'll have what he's having
"My husband, Steve, and I decided to try out a new authentic Chinese restaurant that was getting rave reviews. But a few bites into his meal, Steve began acting very strange, laughing uncontrollably, and just being plain silly, almost as if he were drunk. He knew something was up too, but we couldn't figure it out until Steve mentioned that in college he'd had a similar reaction to a cup of black tea. Well, it turns out his duck was roasted in black tea. We still have no idea what's in the stuff that makes him react that way, but he may as well have had ten shots of tequila. I had to drive home, and on the way there he nearly passed out in the passenger seat. So much for a night of stimulating conversation!" - Amy, 38, Richmond, VA
Related: 50 Old-Fashioned Cheap Thrills
What not to give
"My birthday was coming up, and while I was cleaning the house one day I came across a small gift-wrapped box hidden under the bed. It looked like jewelry, and it took all my self-control not to open it then and there. But I waited, and at my birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant my husband, Dave, pulled out that very box. He's not the romantic type, so I was impressed. That lasted until I unwrapped the box and found a timer switch for the tumble dryer, something I'd mentioned would be a useful purchase, but not exactly my idea of a romantic gift. We had serious words about how I never wanted to receive household items for my birthday again, and, 22 years later, I thankfully have not." - Tina, 47, Brownsburg, IN
Playtime's over
"My husband and I arrived home from date night, and our 17-year-old babysitter met us at the door, followed closely by our 4-year-old. As our son got closer, I realized that he had something in his hand-and that something turned out to be my vibrator! He waved it around, screaming, 'The lights were going out, so I got us prepared with a flashlight! See!' I was mortified!" - Cari, Washington, DC
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