A Guide to His Equipment
The key things you need to know about his package and how it works.
- Amber Madison, BettyConfidential.com
Penises. If you're reading this article you've probably seen one before. Who are we kidding; maybe you've even seen two (or a few more)! No matter how many times you've encountered one, chances are, you're not totally clear on why they do the things they do. Sure, we all get the basics, but the male anatomy is pretty different from ours and there are plenty of myths and wives' tales floating around out there. So consider the following five points to be a primer: Everything you need to know about his package. Once you understand a little more about how his equipment works, the sex will only be better - for both of you.
1. Erectile difficulties happen.
It's a fact of life: Guys can't always get their penis to rise to the occasion. Maybe it's nerves, a reaction to a medication or the result of having too much to drink. What you need to know is that it's not a reflection of him not being attracted to you, not liking you or thinking you're gross. How should you react when it happens? "If you're with a guy and it happens occasionally, don't make a big deal out of it," says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., author of Getting the Sex You Want. "If you make it an issue it can become an issue. The important thing to know is that a certain percentage of the time, the inability to get an erection is normal, for men of all ages."
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2. Premature ejaculation happens quite often.
According to Ian Kerner, sex therapist and author of She Comes First, "As many as 30% of all men deal with premature ejaculation - which is defined as 'not being able to maintain intercourse for more than one minute.' If your guy falls into this third of the population, it doesn't mean he's selfish or lazy, it's mainly a genetic issue." No doubt, dating a premature ejaculator has its downsides, but it doesn't mean your minute-man will remain one forever. You can actually train him to last longer. To do this, Dr. Nelson suggests that you "pay attention to when he starts to get stiffer, breathes deeper and moves in that way that lets you know that he's almost there. Then slow things down, or even stop. Do something else, like kiss or change positions. Give him a few moments to gather himself, then slowly start again." After a few of these "training sessions" he'll learn how to calm himself down, and then your sex can start lasting a lot longer. If this doesn't work and he's still having trouble, Dr. Kerner suggests he go down on you for awhile first, so that by the time you actually start having sex you're pretty close to orgasm yourself.
3. "Blue balls" happen, occasionally.
Many of us have been taught to believe that we have to get a guy off once we start to hook up with him, otherwise his balls will shrivel up and die. But this just isn't true. First of all, a guy has to be close to having an orgasm and be aroused for a long period of time before that can even happen. And if "blue balls" does happen? "All a guy has to do is masturbate for them to go away; it's not a medically dangerous condition," says Kerner. "Blue balls is actually a pretty rare condition. It's probably more common in young men who have relationships where they have 'rubbing sex' with women with their clothes on, or 'frottage,'" says Dr. Nelson. Basically, if you dry-hump him for two hours, he'll probably get blue balls. But if you're just making out and don't want it to go further, there's nothing to feel guilty about. And more importantly, you should never feel like the "threat" of blue balls means you're obligated to get a guy off. If you want to, go for it, but if not, you shouldn't feel you owe him anything. He can very easily fix the problem by taking matters into his own hands, if necessary.
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4. Bigger doesn't always mean better.
On average, penises are about 3 inches long when limp and 5 to 6 inches when hard. The majority of guys fall into this range, although most want theirs to be bigger, of course. Ironically, "sex is more of a problem if a penis is too big," says Kerner. A guy with a small one can make up for it with his movements and oral skills, but a guy who's hung like a horse may make sex painful. If your guy has a little too much of a good thing, Kerner suggests that you "use lubrication and have sex in positions where you can control the thrusting."
5. Guys dribble before they shoot.
The last bit of info that all girls need to be aware of is that for guys, sex is like basketball: They almost always dribble before they shoot. And that dribble, i.e. precum (the stuff that comes out before guys full-on ejaculate) can carry STDs and get you preggers, just like the real thing. So pulling out is not a great method of contraception. In other words, if you're worried about pregnancy or STDs, you should definitely use a condom.
Tell us: Has your partner ever had erectile problems? How did you deal with it?
BettyConfidential's Sexpert Amber Madison is a sex educator and author of Hooking Up: A Girl's All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality, and Talking Sex With Your Kids, which was released in March.
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