a Lady in Waiting

Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I am being unrealistic in what I think is the way a lady should be treated.

I have met a wide variety of men in my life. Some wonderful, some not so wonderful. I find it difficult to distinguish between the two at times. One sure fire way to send me running in the opposite direction is to assume that I am anything other than a lady.

Oh, I can be just as raunchy as the next gal-the difference is-a lady keeps those thoughts to herself and then blows a man away when they are uttered in private moments. A lady should never reveal her true inner wantonness for the entire world to see-that should be saved specifically for the man she chooses to be with. Some may think that boring, some may think it old fashioned-I merely think it is the truth of the woman I am.

My love once told me a story about a man who wanted a woman and he said it reminded him of me. "He kept saying all kinds of things, 'Hey baby, let's get it on. Do me, etc…" (But in a much more descriptive way with a lot more reference to body parts and the meeting of them) I asked him why this made him think of me. My love said, "Because a friend told the guy, that he didn't know how to treat a lady and was all wrong in his asking. And I thought to myself-that's Monika, as long as I always treat her like a lady; I can have anything I want." I wasn't sure if I should take offense to that or not. He actually is right for the most part whether I want to believe it or not.

I have a hard time figuring it out in the dating world how some men so easily assume a woman would prefer to be treated any other way. In the past few months I have dated much. And it has horrified and surprised me in many ways. The oddest things have been said to me and I wonder why anyone would think it would do any less than offend me or hurt my feelings and pride. But I am sure too, that some women may actually like to be treated in such a manner that the men are getting exactly what they seek. And yes, I have a few examples.

Mr. Gospel Singer, a lovely man, gave me a few interesting thoughts to think on. Our first date was nice, just getting to know each other. He treated me well in every way only to become a Jekyll and Hide as soon as I was driving home. He sent me this text: I'm Horney and in an eating mood. I almost drove off the road. I pulled over to sit a moment and think what I would reply. Nothing on our date gave any indication that he thought I was this easy.

I replied: I am uncomfortable speaking like that with someone I just met.

He then texted me that he was just "flirting". Had I missed something somewhere along the way? When did that, coming from a stranger, become flirting?

I responded that I was truly uncomfortable with it and I preferred to be treated like a lady. His last remark was: Your standards are too high. Good luck.

When did a bit of simple respect become too high of a standard to obtain in the world of dating?

On to the next example: The owner of the local gas station had been trying to get my number for months. He seemed very nice and I finally relented and thought maybe this would be a genuine person to date. Our first phone conversation went like this:

"Hello." His accent is heavy and I had difficulty understanding. "Do you want me to mumble mumble mumble…?"

"Pardon me? I can't hear you well..."

"Do you want me to put my mumble mumble mumble…?"

"I'm so sorry; I can't understand will you please repeat yourself again?"

"DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT MY D*** in your P****?"

Now isn't that just lovely? I hung up. I cried a minute as I tried to figure out exactly what I had done for someone to say that to me in a first phone call. And I laughed when I realized I kept asking the idiot to repeat his obscenities so I could understand.

I think my standards are right where they should be. I don't think they are too high at all. Lord, help me if I ever think a man who throws those words out there at me in the first moments of getting to know him is worthy of my tears or time.

It does not make me feel sexy in the least for someone to merely want to have sex with me. It only makes me feel cheap. There are many wonderful gentlemen left in this world. No man should stoop to such tactics and think he will get anything more than he is asking for.

Treat me like a lady and I will treat you like a man. I actually will still treat you with politeness even if you don't, because that's what a lady does. You just will never know the mysteries of what ladies do in private.

Monika M. Basile