Are You Okay with Your Husband Looking at Porn?
by Aaron Traister, REDBOOK
I'm back with another question for you ladies (btw, thanks for your help with the skinny jeans. I'll post more on my adventures dressing like a 14-year-old later in the week).
My question today isn't about fashion. Instead, in honor of Valentine's Day, it's a question about sexual dysfunction and porn. I mean really, are there any two topics more romantic than sexual dysfunction and porn?
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In an article in a recent issue of New York Magazine titled "He's Just Not That Into Anyone," author Davy Rothbart suggests that internet porn is making the American man emotionally and physically disconnected and disinterested in real world flesh-women.
His argument is that internet porn is ruining the American male's libido and his ability to perform sexually, and that it's forcing the average American woman to go to pornographic, debasing, and often ultimately futile extremes to get it back.
But I'm inclined to disagree.
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I'm not ready to declare that easy access to porn has created a new beast that's out of control and ruining the sex lives of well-adjusted men everywhere.
To be fair, I admit that I watch porn when Karel isn't in the mood and I am, but I can't imagine any scenario in which I would choose on-line self gratification over actual sex with my wife, and that's after 9 years of being hitched. And there is no way in hell I want to be lumped in with the guys this article depicts (they're jerks - but you should read the article for yourself and see). Anyone who prefers porn to flesh and blood intimacy has a real problem.
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I'm also conflicted about the porn I watch because I recognize that porn, like smoking, is probably not that good for me, just not in the way this article describes.
I know it isn't that healthy to spend too much time thinking about women in a solely sexual and physical context (a fact that the men in Rothbart's article seem disturbingly oblivious to). So, like smoking, I try to measure my intake.
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While it's true that some men can become addicted to porn and have a serious problem, porn is easy to blame for much larger issues because there are so many sticky ethical issues surrounding it. But to lay the blame for someone's sexual dysfunction squarely at the feet of porn, to claim that it's ruining the average American man's sexual ability and warping our desires, seems not only extreme and simplistic, but also like a way to deflect responsibility for personal issues that go much deeper. For instance, many of the guys interviewed for the article have girlfriends, and none of them seem to grasp the reality that their sexual dysfunction affects both people in the relationship; leading me to believe that, less than chronic porn watching, the real problem with these guys is chronic adolescent-style-selfishness. Maybe there is an epidemic of that?
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But maybe I'm just out of touch, which is why I want your opinion.
So here are my questions for you ladies:
1. Are you okay with your guy looking at porn? Do you find that porn influences and affects your man's libido and sexual performance?
2. Has porn ever ruined a relationship for you?
Please let me know if I'm being willfully blind to a growing problem or whether I'm right in thinking that something smells a little off in Denmark.
Also, there is a quick and (as always) anonymous poll you can take at the bottom of the page if you want to weigh in but don't want to comment.
Are you okay with your husband looking at porn?
Yes, it's okay if he only does it occasionally.
Yes, I have no problem with it at all.
No, absolutely not.
VOTE HERE
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