Are You Over Your Ex? 10 Milestones on the Breakup Recovery Road
By Rosie Munger, BounceBack.com Editorial Staff
Soon after a breakup, it often feels like you are never going to move past it and bounce back from the pain. You may think about your ex constantly and everything seems to remind you of what once was. Even if you have gotten rid of tangible mementoes, your brain and heart don't always get cleaned out as quickly as the trash.
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Eventually, though, you will recover from your relationship breakup! For some it's an obvious change and for others perhaps more subtle. Here are ten signs that you're on your way to moving on:
1. You have gone at least one week without any contact
A week may not seem like very long, but it can feel like an eternity when you're used to talking with someone daily. This is a big step in the right direction.
Related: Understanding the Unexplained Break-up
Related: 10 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Live in the Past
2. You are able to delete your ex's contact info from your phone
For many, the contact doesn't always end at the breakup, even though it usually should (at least for a while.) Of course, if you've got kids together, this milestone probably can't be reached, but if you don't, it's a different story. You keep the ex's info just in case you want to call, just in case you see something you want to mail, just in case…you get the idea. There will come a time when, unless you are committed to being friends, you just don't care anymore about those "just in case" moments - your desire to reach out has ended.
3. You stop wondering what he/she's up to
You're too busy living your own life to spend any time thinking about what movie he's seen or whether she's at home tonight. It's just no longer relevant to you!
Related: How long is it "normal" to be heartbroken?
4. You think about or see the person and laugh
We all have those "What was I thinking?" moments. Whether you drive by and see him hitchhiking on the side of the road or see a picture of her in her favorite Jersey Shore-type outfit, there's bound to be something about your ex that makes you giggle. There's no need to be hard on yourself for spending time with someone who may not have been a great match - we learn from all of our relationships. Have a laugh, even at your ex's expense. In this case, it's ok, because, frankly, a light-hearted approach to mistakes can be very healthy.
5. You walked past his house and didn't even realize it
Or, maybe you heard "your song" on the radio and it didn't make you feel ill and change the channel. You have begun to disassociate these places and things with your ex, which is great! This may not happen all at once - each little milestone is a reason to celebrate. Ultimately these little tidbits may remind you of your ex, but hopefully you'll feel a slight familiarity, as if that song was a long lost friend.
Related: 5 Wrong Ways to Get Over Your Ex
6. Your heart goes pitter patter for someone else
Obvious, but important. Perhaps it's also why you've passed Breakup Milestone #3. New interests mean you're opening up and your ex is moving further into your past. Who needs to dwell on a breakup when there are new and intriguing people in your life?
7. You aren't comparing new relationships to the old one
You are definitely moving beyond your breakup and focusing on your present and your future. This is a huge milestone because it means your ex just is not relevant to your romantic life anymore. New potential relationships are best when examined in isolation or with other new people, not in comparison to past hurts.
Related: Are You Carrying Emotional Baggage? 4 Signs You Are
8. You passed an anniversary without tears or sadness
Perhaps it's the day you met, a special event you attended together or your anniversary - these can be hard days. Eventually, the date or event will have no significance relative to your ex but, for now, getting through the day feeling pretty good is a mile-marker on your breakup recovery road. Pay attention to how great you feel the next day when you realize that the "special" day was just like any other.
9. You are able to think back on your time together fondly without wanting to be together
Ok, some of you won't have fond feelings, so for you it may be a feeling of indifference when you think about your past relationship. Soon after a breakup it's so easy to think about your relationship and, no matter how bad it was, to wish that you were still together. Well, you've reached the point when you're happy for it to be in the past! You anger has passed, you're bouncing back and you can think about the good times. Your memories may not totally be reality, but it's ok for there to be a bit of fantasy about how your ex was because you have no desire to revisit the relationship.
Related: The Ghost of Relationships Past: Reflect to Bounce Back
10. No more "What if's?"
What might have been just does not matter to you anymore. You've stopped second-guessing and have finished pondering potential outcomes, if only you'd done x, y or z. Not only have you realized that trying to figure out scenarios that never happened is futile, but it just doesn't cross your mind to even wonder anymore. You've moved on - completely.
These are just ten examples of all the different - small and large - milestones we pass on our journey to recovering from a breakup.
When did you realize you were bouncing back from your last breakup?
Rosie Munger is an attorney by day, writer and accessories stylist by night. She loves to explore new things, at home and abroad.
BounceBack.com helps people find happiness after heartbreak. Like us on Facebook.
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