Are We or Aren't We? How to Know If You're an "Item"
By James Lane for BounceBack.com
Finding someone to date is hard enough, but wondering when you two are actually a couple can be even harder. When you start seeing someone, each new relationship is different. We all know that. There are different rules, circumstances, and conditions. How many dates qualify a monogamous relationship? Must we always have "the talk" with our significant other, or do we just assume after a certain amount of time that we are only seeing each other? How and when do we know "we" are a couple?
Related: The Relationship Talk: Is It Always Necessary?
Believe it or not, this is one of the biggest concerns for the dating population. Not many people are upfront with their wants and needs right at the get go. And why should you be? You don't want to go on a first date and reveal that you are 29, need to be married by 30, and have 3 kids by 35. That will just scare them off.
Related: Why Is "Hard to Get" So Hard? Why We Love and Hate the Dating Chase
Everyone usually plays it cool the first few weeks of dating, with no agenda. But it's after the first month or so where things start to get complicated and questions start rolling around in your head. "Where is this going? / Are you seeing other people? / Am I allowed to see other people? / Do I need to delete my Match.Com profile? / Can I tell my family about you? / Should we send out Christmas cards together?"
Related: Keep Dating Fun: 5 Ways to Banish the Bad
You are reading these and thinking to yourself, "Wow! I do actually think these things!" And you should! You are not alone in this contemplative situation. It is normal to think these things because, as the date-tee, we don't want to be wasting our time with someone who isn't serious about us. And visa versa. We don't want to be leading someone else on, either.
Related: Jealous Much? An Action Plan to Keep Your Cool
A complicated situation arises when you are seeing someone, perhaps for just two weeks - been out a handful of times, but nothing too serious - and someone else asks you to dinner. Are you allowed to say yes? Should you decline out of respect for the other person? Well, in my opinion (and it is the only one that matters) is that most definitely you should go out with the other person as well. You are not engaged to Mr. or Mrs. Three Dates. Just let both parties know that you are dating and seeing other people. Always be honest with them so they, too, know where they stand.
Related: 5 Communication Mistakes You Don't Want to Make
We need to start wearing our emotions, feelings, thoughts, and concerns on our sleeve while at the same time playing it cool. Sounds tough, doesn't it? It is. In this world of instant gratification where we can get anything at the touch of a button, a relationship seems like it should be downloaded as an app on an iPhone. We want to know the minute we meet someone if it is going to work out- if they are the one. But, what's the fun in that?
Related: The Frequency Factor: Communication During Early Dating
To me, dating is an adventure. It is an exciting time when you can really get to know someone and see if they fit into your idea of ideal. Give the person time. Let them know in little bits of what you want and how you are feeling. Don't just throw it all out there, because they will run. Ohhhh, will they run.
So, take a step back, relax, and have a good time. You will know when it's something, and all of those questions above will be answered. Enjoy the dating scene, because we are supposed to having fun! Aren't we?
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