Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis Are Having a Girl

Richard Lawson


Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis

Jackie and Kelso are having a baby girl! Oh, sorry. I mean Mila Kunis and her fiancé, Ashton Kutcher, are having a baby girl. Calling them "Jackie and Kelso," which is a reference to their characters on the long-running sitcom That '70s Show, assumes a familiarity that's really unfair to assume. Why should anyone know what "Jackie and Kelso" means? No reason to know that! Unless you were a teenager in 2001, as some of us were, there is no reason to know what "Jackie and Kelso" means. So, I apologize for that. Sincerely. Just as I hope you would apologize for saying "Barney and Robin" and assuming I have some sense of what the hell you're talking about, or, even worse, "Schmidt and Jess." Never say "Schmidt" and assume I know what you're talking about.


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But anyway, the point is that Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are getting married and havin' a baby together and that baby has been revealed to be a girl. Not revealed by them, mind you.They haven't said anything on the record about the pregnancy at all.


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But we're all pretty convinced it's happening, because Kunis was showing at last Sunday's MTV Movie Awards and lots of "sources" are whispering to the likes of Us Weekly about how Kunis "loves being pregnant" and whatnot. (If all a source is giving you is " loves being pregnant," find a new source. What a boring source!) So that's nice for them. A little baby girl. What will her name be? One assumes Jackie, or Kelsa, but one never knows. Maybe they'll be bold and name her Topher or Prepon or, hell, Fez. Ack, there I go again. Sorry. Those are all That '70s Show names. How dare I.


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