Ask Em & Lo: Bringing chocolate into my sex life
Dear Em & Lo,
I'm in a long-distance relationship and I don't get to see my guy again until December. I want to make our reunion special by doing something a little out of our norm: He absolutely loves chocolate and I've been looking for something fun and sweet. I've seen some chocolate body frostings and powders, but there isn't much info on what works well or good ways to go about using it. Any ideas? Thanks so much!
Sweet P.
Dear SP,
What better way to indulge your fella's chocolate addiction than with sex? (Vice versa for all you dirty birds out there.) You could go with something fun from the Naughty Chocolate Store, but boobie lollipops are more humorous than hot. There are much better ways to make your fella's homecoming sweet and sinful. But before we count those ways, a few words of caution:
1) Don't bother with any chocolate edible underwear -- yuck!
2) Avoid chocolate syrup straight from the fridge -- it gets super sticky and just plain gross way too fast!
3) Lay down a towel or a sheet you don't mind getting dirty (and potentially permanently stained).
4) We'd recommend keeping any and all foodstuffs out of your vagina, away from your labes, in order to avoid infection. And while we wouldn't funnel chocolate syrup into his urethra, his genital area is a lot less sensitive to sweets than yours, so feel free to lay it on (him) thick.
Video: What Do You Think of Food and Sex Together?
Now, onto the good stuff. Admittedly, we haven't tried all this stuff first hand, so we can't attest to the quality of chocolate, but there are plenty of affordable options available so you can try a variety and see which you like best:
Drugstore.com sells almost all of Kama Sutra's popular line of edible love potions, including their Chocolate Body Paint ($12), Chocolate Creme Brulee Body Souffle massage cream ($18), and Chocolate Mint Loving Oils (in a set of other flavors, $27).
Our favorite high-quality toy manufacturer, Fun Factory, has recently come out with a new line of cosmetics, including their warming chocolate Savoure Moi love fluid ($19.90) and their lighter chocolate-chili Elixer Moi pleasure water ($25.50) and their "Colore Moi" kissable bodypaint ($16.50). If their edible stuff is half as good as their vibrating stuff, it's worth it!
Goodvibes has a bunch of flavorful stuff you can try: the Japanese-inspired Shunga Chocolate Body Paint ($12) for your Pillow Book fantasies, Body Pens ($10) for more playful skin graffiti, little packets of Quickies Body Frosting ($2) for chocolate sex on the go, and Rub Me chocolate mint massage bar that melts into moisturizing oil on skin ($6). And if you get your goods from Goodvibes, you can even buy mocha java bars and chocolate covered almonds, to eat straight (which we guess you could do naked).
Babeland also has the Shunga and the Body Pens for a few bucks more than Goodvibes, but their chocolate raspberry massage bar beats theirs at only $2.50 a pop. (Though we haven't tried the bars, we'd stay away from Babeland's flavored massage candles if you've got a sensitive sense of smell.) Babeland also offers some items to help inspire you if you have no idea what to do with the chocolate in the first place: Chocoholic's Chocolate Lover's Dice ($15) that gives you naughty commands and their Strip Chocolate ($20) with stencils to create chocolate messages like "Kiss This Spot." Babeland also carries the Chocolate Body Sauce ($12) featured on Good Morning America that won "Best Sauce" at the Atlanta Gourmet Show (so you know it can't taste too s---ty).
Finally, you can check out this series of Tantra Chocolate Bars ($32) which feature various positions in chocolate relief -- you can leave one of the mini ones on his pillow.
Related: Check out these insane edible chocolate caps for the penises in your life.
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Photo: Chocolate bar from TantraChocolate.com
