Bachelor Recap: Episode 9 is Bath Time for Baby Ben!

"Why does this limo smell like tears?"
The first ten minutes of this week's episode we join Ben on a 10 hour journey to Interlaken, Switzerland. It feels like 20 hours.
"...and then Courtney kissed the fish..."
As we're dealing with airport stress, Ben's going off about the three women he's dating. He ends up recounting in detail each date he went on with each girl as if we weren't there the first time around.
"...I really like Lindzi's parents..."
Oh hey Ben. You're in 17a? I thought they couldn't get us seats together? No that's fine I was just going to get some shut-eye but...
"I'll just close this window so you can focus on my words"
What's that? I had my headphones in so I couldn't hear you.
"...Nikki has all the qualities I respect..."
You go save us some seats. I need to find the bar car.
"...and I don't mind that Courtney's a nerd..."
I'm going to stop you right there. You know that's not the problem people have with her, right?
"...there's just this magical force pulling us together..."
Hey look! Swans!
"...Courtney's neck is very swan-like..."
Um Ben? We're here. In Interlaken. Can we please go check in to our hotel now?
"Wait, jacket open or zipped halfway?"

Not the way it is.


DATE 1: Nikki

 Ben surprised Nikki with her very first helicopter ride and picnic since the other day.


"I brought the rest of our lunch from two weeks ago!"
The ride is smooth at first, but then the pilot gets frisky.
"Ben, this is your captain speaking. Prepare to s--- your pants. Over and out."
Suddenly the helicopter starts plummeting forcing Ben to froth the mouth.
"Oh my word!"

After this happens, the couple stands on a mountain top posing for aerial shots for few hours. Then it's time to wash up...hot tub style.

"So the Whitesnake video shoot is wrapped? If not we can wait."

Nikki unloaded her feelings to Ben. She really likes him and sees a future with him. He feels "that's okay. These are good things for him to know."
"Can you exfoliate my back?"


DATE 2: Lindzi
On today's' date: the happy couple will be hanging from a cliff with nothing but a few different colored ropes holding them up.
"Ropes too? You guys thought of everything!"

  Don't worry, this guy's here to help.
"Yes, I watch you go down, no problem."

To reward themselves for surviving, a hot tub is in order. Ben's visibly upset this one doesn't have bubbles.

"The other tub had neon lights too."
After a long day, Ben and Lindzi go to dinner but all we see is Ben's head from the chin up because of one unfortunate accessory he insisted on wearing.
"Make sure you guys get my bow-tie in the shot."

"Is it straight?"

Later that night, Ben's lucky bow-tie works like a charm ...

"It's okay to be vulnerable, nobody's watching."
Leg bomb.


DATE 3: Courtney

Let's get this straight: Ben helicopters to a mountain peak with Nikki and rappels down a cliff with Lindzi and he's just going shopping for groceries with Courtney? You can always tell when producers are trying to sway someone's decision with the help of some endorphins. This is not one of those situations.

Still no matter what Ben does with Courtney, he seems to have a surprisingly good time. Like for example, when they buy fruit, his brain processes that as "Courtney is into learning about the culture of Switzerland." 
"They sell oranges in this country too?"

Remarkably Ben and Courtney adapt to the country's unique culture of buying food from vendors. At the bakery, Courtney picks this loaf of bread because it's "cute." I swear.

"Isn't it adorable when yeast rises?"

Guess what time it is? Bath time! You and I know this isn't actually a hot tub. It's  an old up-side down butter churn filled with rain water, but Ben seems so excited why ruin the moment.
"This is the best tub ever."
For Ben, everything about this date was perfect except those three producers constantly drawing their fingers across their necks and then pointing to Courtney.

After several hours and a few hundred bottles of wine, Courtney finally puts all of Ben's worries to rest.
She admits she's not always perfect, and sometimes she's a little mean but whatever and also that she likes Ben because he's "normal. " Watch the least authentic statement anyone's ever made.

That's more than good enough for Ben. If anything, he feels bad for making her not talk in her high-pitched baby voice for a few seconds.


PLOT TWIST: Kacie B.
"They wouldn't have sent me here if he didn't want to see me."

What is this now? That really nice girl who had her heart broken has been dragged back for a little more public rejection. We all know this isn't going to go well, but I've a hunch that wasn't how this trip to Switzerland was sold to her.
"Oh my word!"
Ben's gets mouth blur at first.
"Meh"
But then he composes himself and graciously explains to Kacie B. and America why he doesn't want her. Mostly it's her parents, and the fact she's not Courtney.
"Can we get a shot up under her nose where the boogers are?"
Kacie B. collapses after that brutal wound is reopened. It's okay though. She needed closure and this second rejection really helped. Can she go home now please?

Not just yet. They're going to ask Ben one more time if he wants to be with her. She can go wait in her hotel room in a dress with her luggage packed and they'll slip a note under the door if he changes his mind.
"Two Kacie B's for one Courtney. Final offer."

"Meh"

Okay someone go find Kacie B. and remind her again that Ben doesn't like her.

ROSE CEREMONY

Nikki got kicked off. Worse than that, somebody told her this rose ceremony was a toga party.

"Why did I wear this hotel sheet?"

"Oh sweetie. They changed it to a Phantom of the Opera theme. They didn't tell you?"

"It will be years before this scar heals."

"Meh"


NEXT WEEK: "The Women Tell All" also known as " "Kacie B.'s weekly reminder that Ben didn't choose her."

BONUS: Click here. It's funny. (thanks Sarah B)