Bachelor Recap: Week 6 is when a Respectful Fight Breaks Out
The episode starts out with lots of teasers for this moment when Casey S. is sent home in a car that doesn't even look like a limo, while not wearing a cocktail dress. Obviously there's some very serious emergency, a tragedy even, because nobody cries like that over not getting a rose. But first....
Panama!
DATE 1: Kacie B
Nobody is using the set of "Survivor: Panama" right now, so it's totally free for Ben to test the strength of his relationship with Kacie B. They're left by a helicopter on a private beach paradise without local servants or even a buffet cart. Today they'll "face their fears" and "work together as a team" to open coconuts because "if they can get through this together, they can do anything." Ben brings a machete to their date because he's overreacting about this whole island thing and because nobody ever told him not to bring a machete on a date. Luckily, Kacie B. is distracted by Ben's sexy determination to get coconut water from what might be a dinosaur egg.
Later that night Ben says he wants to "dive in deep" so Kacie opens up about her eating disorder in high school. Ben didn't mean that deep. He was more talking about how sometimes Kacie B has curly hair and how sometimes it's straight. He tells the camera that he's happy "Kacie B. opened up about her eating disorder," but it's a little insensitive that he's still using her last initial.
DATE 2: Da group
"We're like in a rainforest" says one of the six women on this fine group date.
Meanwhile two fourteen year old girls were awoken by their parents this morning and told to dress in their customary reality show tribal gear and present the man with floppy hair with some fountain pen ink. Then they can go back to playing Angry Birds.
The women change into beaded halter tops and Courtney doesn't wear a bra, so for the rest of the segment her chest area is blacked out by a bar that sends your imagination into an erotic shopping spiral. Is she wearing nipple cups? A bra with breast-holes? Is it just that her breasts aren't perky? WHAT ARE THEY COVERING?
Meanwhile, oh my god, it was so fun: Everyone got regrettable temporary tattoos and made Esther Williams swimming caps out of real live flowers.
Ben didn't bring enough gel on this steamy Panama City night. His hair crisis must have driven him to drink because somebody's all warm and fuzzy on the inside. During some one on one time with Lindzi he slightly slurs his schpeele: "I'm glad to see you open up feelings like a pretty girl to me. Can I call you rose?"
Later that night, coach Ben pulls the Epidemiologist aside and tells her he's happy she's learned a valuable lesson on not ruining the fantasy about the pretty girl who's letting him touch her boobies. Epidemiologist decides to apologize to Courtney. That's when an all-out-balls-to-the-wall-barred- throwdown happens. Courtney vs. the Epidemiologist. Both agree on fair fight with only one weapon: the word 'respect'.
Epidimiologist may have won the battle but she hasn't won the war. Courtney has invited Ben back to her hotel room for some waterless skinny dipping.
Courtney applies the kind of make-up that doesn't make her face look any different. Then she waits but Ben never arrives, because he's a totally upstanding guy. Or because he fell asleep. Member how sleepy he was getting?
DATE 3: Blakely, Rachel and a Salsa Teacher
Ben says he feels bad for both incredibly beautiful women because he's planning on judging them heavily all night long. Their first challenge: wear a dress made from Grover and Elmo fur.
Now it is time to Salsa dance while one person watches and a strange woman screams commands.
Blakely seems to have all the moves actually one in particular where she drops down to her knees and points to Ben's wang with her nose. Rachel becomes a little nervous because as she puts it: "I'm honestly worried that Ben is not seeing through Blakely's sexual dancing." But Rachel has in her possession a secret weapon to win Ben's heart. The ability to not scrapbook.
Just before Ben needs to decide which girl to send home, Blakely pulls her beloved aside in order to show him this project she's been working on during arts and crafts hour. So far it looks like there's margic marker, maybe a little sparkle glue involved.
Then pow! Rubber cement! Magazine phrases cut out with scissors and placed at an angle. S--- is about to get real.
Inside of this book, are "some things I see in you that make me feel the way I do," she explains.
Some things about Ben that Blakely has fallen in love with: San Francisco, Scotch, Southern Comfort, San Francisco Giants and Food and Wine.
Although Ben is all of those things, Blakely doesn't capture his "randomness" and "happy!" so she gets booted from B-land.
PRE-ROSE SHOCKER
It's time to find out why Casie makes that face. Chris walks in on the girls during an afternoon hotel room chat and asks to see the one who looks like Paris Hilton and doesn't talk much. Then he very seriously pulls her to the pool area. The sound guy and the camera guy come along, so does a third camera guy to shoot the sound guy and the camera guy.
How could we not have seen this coming? The Bachelor Franchise verite dump. Midway through any season, Chris has to kick someone off because of their life outside of this fantasy land. It's an opportunity to show viewers they're in on the fact that the show is just a show. It's also a reminder that Ben ain't the only one with the power to giveth and taketh away roseth.
Despite his serious delivery, Chris accuses Casey of something insanely high school. He heard from like three people she's still dating this guy back home named Michael. Michael even called Chris and says they used to hang out every night. According to the doctrine of Chris, you can't have any feelings for anyone at least six weeks before you start the show and meet a total stranger who is dating 25 girls.
Casey explains that it's complicated as relationships are, and that she loved this guy but he didn't want to marry her and they broke up. I believe her, even if she was still in sleeptogetherbutbrokenup mode when she left for the show, but Chris can't even look at her.
He brings her to King Ben's lair where an intimate conversation goes down on a loveseat while Chris waits dutifully on a nearby ottoman. The decision is made. Ben tells his henchman, SEIZE HER!
So that's what this whole thing was about? Phew. I thought something actually bad happened to her.
PRE-ROSE CEREMONY: CPR Lessons from Jamie
Jamie has a problem: she's exceptionally post-modern.
Frustrated by the fact that she's the only one in the house that hasn't kissed Ben, she decides to pull him aside and show him what she would have done to him sexually while actually doing it. (A straddle kiss.) As she's doing it she's also voiding her actions by suggesting they are part of a fantasy that never took place. This girl is so intellectually evolved she's lost the ability to mate.
After she steps off Ben and out of her parallel universe time machine, she decides she'd like to try the whole thing again, but this time using the future tense. She will explain movement by movement, how their kiss will go, 5 seconds from now. "Then you will close your mouth and I open mine..." Ben forgets step three and this happens...
But why am I explaining this when you could be watching? Please take two minutes to witness what happens when the talking inside your head comes out as words while you're trying to seduce someone.
Jamie would have gone home now had she not gotten a rose, which she didn't.
(Translation: Jamie goes home)
Total side note: I went to ABC's Bachelor cast site to look up the Epidemiologist's name which I still can't remember and I found this.
Related:
Bachelor recap: week 1
Bachelor recap: week 2
Bachelor recap: week 3
Bachelor recap: week 4
Bachelor recap: week 5