Before I die I want to... have sex in the woods

Getty Images
Getty Images


This week's bucket list edition goes out to reader Elizabeth, who writes, "Before I die, I want to have sex outside in the woods, surrounded by trees." Here's how to do "Sex and the Country" right...

1. First, and most importantly of all, make sure you know what poison ivy looks like. And then, duh, don't shag on it.

2. If you're in the mood for a little against-the-tree squirrel sex, then wear a skirt with no underwear and face your partner. Just be warned that this isn't the most discreet way to do it, in case there are families picnicking in the next field over.

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3. Actually, if there are families picnicking in the next field over, any kind of alfresco sex is gross.

4. Not to mention illegal. Another good reason to make damn good sure there is zero chance that an errant dog walker will happen upon you. Okay, so there's never zero chance -- and that's at least half the fun, isn't it? -- but at least make sure you're not in the middle of a hiking trail.

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5. Take along a picnic blanket if you'd rather do it lying down, and keep on as many clothes as possible. This will cause minimal distress to accidental voyeurs, will make for a faster getaway if you get busted, and will better protect you against ticks, mosquitoes, poison sumac, sunburn, etc.

Head over to Daily Bedpost to see the rest of the advice!


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