Beyond the Art of Compromise, There's Power in Saying Yes

"It's really liberating to say no to shit you hate," Hannah admits in HBO's Girls season 3, episode 2.
While I don't exactly hate road races, I had little desire to run a race in Yorktown Heights, about an hour outside of Manhattan, the day after a 20-mile training run. I said as much to my eager partner, reminding him that I always rested the day after a long run.
"You might surprise yourself," he encouraged me, adding that he really wanted me there with him. It wouldn't be the same without me.
Those were some sweet sentiments, too lovely to ignore. "OK, sign me up!" I said.
Lena Dunham's Hannah makes a lot of astute points and relatable statements, but I have to disagree with her on the liberating power of saying no--at least when it comes to a romantic relationship. Whereas the action of compromising, as crucial as it is to a successful relationship, can be hard to swallow at times, nothing about my saying yes to my partner's sweet request felt difficult or compromising. In fact, it felt quite the opposite to see how easily I could make his day without seeking compromise or reciprocation.
It's in the beginning of a relationship that we're most apt to say yes--yes to our partner's choice of music, yes to going to the bar to watch the ballgame, yes to going to his favorite barbecue restaurant every week. He might be more inclined to meet you at your favorite cocktail bar, brunch with your oldest college pals or watch the latest Kate Winslet flick with you. As time goes on and the comfort level in a relationship rises, perhaps we become less interested in feigning interest in our SO's hobbies and more motivated to pursue our own stuff--when we're not engaging in a mutually agreed upon activity together.
I'm a full believer in exercising one's independence in a relationship, but sometimes it pays to just say yes, and I'm not talking about sex.
In recent years, it's been drilled into our inner beings that saying no is powerful. The argument is that we can't be everything to everyone, and agreeing to every little thing that's asked of us--in friendships, work situations, with family--will likely lead to frustration and burn out. And yet within the intimate relationship, sometimes saying yes when we'd rather not can have a wildly positive impact. Not only will it put a big smile on your partner's face, it'll give you time you wouldn't have otherwise had together.
Even though I didn't exactly enjoy waking up early on a Sunday morning and hopping in the car before the sun rose for a fairly long drive out of the city (and a terribly long return ride back), I ended up being super grateful for the QT with my partner. For his part, he was thrilled to have the company, and while I didn't agree to the race to get him to reciprocate, I did find that later he seemed more amenable to going to my favorite restaurant and watching a TV show of my choosing. Neither of us acted like we were doing the other a big favor either, which I think is key.
Rather than feeling empowered by turning down your partner's big or small requests just because it's not your favorite or preferred activity, why not see how it feels to say, "Sure, I'd love to," just because you can.

More from Elizabeth Street :
I'm in a Sexless Marriage
Should I Get a Divorce?
I'm Looking for a New Man...Even Though I'm Still Married
50 Shades of Cheating
If I Clean the House, Will My Husband Have Sex With Me?