My Body is Not Public Property – so Don’t Grope Me

One out of every six women in America will be the victim of sexual violence.
One out of every six women in America will be the victim of sexual violence.

By Ashley Welch, Everyday Health

As I danced with a friend at a New York City nightclub one night this winter, I felt a pair of strong male hands grab my upper thighs. Within seconds, the unwelcome grasp made its way to my inner legs as a man's body encircled me from behind.

For anyone unfamiliar with this method of modern day courting, this is a fairly common way for a man to ask a woman to dance… except there's no actual asking involved; he simply thrusts himself upon her.

Knowing full well what this man intended during this "dance" (he'd try to feel as much of my body as possible while rocking to the beat of the music), I pushed him away and attempted to walk back toward my friend. But he grabbed me once more around the hips, and I again pushed him away, more forcefully this time. His response? He grabbed and shook my breasts up and down several times before I could break free and abruptly leave the dance floor.

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If you're a female, chances are you've either experienced something similar to this - or worse - or know someone who has.

In fact, one out of every six women in America will be the victim of sexual violence, and every two minutes an American is sexually assaulted, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Though the rate of sexual assault has decreased by more than half in the past 10 years, these numbers are still astronomically high and downright scary. April, which is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, is a great time to bring awareness to these numbers.

Though certainly not limited to bars and nightclubs, with their close quarters and alcohol-influenced guests, these locations are prime places for sexual assault to occur. (Note: Alcohol is never an excuse for any kind of sexual harassment or assault.) A recent study analyzed 258 aggressive incidents involving sexual advances at bars and nightclubs and found that 90 percent involved male initiators and female targets. In 34 percent of the cases, the researchers found that it was "beyond clear" that the women did not want the attention. What's worse is that in these instances, the staff rarely intervened.

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For my part, I did not go to the nightclub's security guard and did not tell any of my friends until later in the night. I'm not sure why I didn't speak up. I think my initial reaction was shock and fear and I wanted to get out of the situation as soon as possible. By the time I thought to tell someone else about it, I felt it was too late since I was too frightened to turn around and confront the guy so I hadn't seen what he looked like.

Days later, the incident weighed heavily on my mental health. I felt disappointed in myself for not reacting more quickly. I felt defeated that I had allowed a man to grope me against my will and did nothing about it. I kept bringing myself back to the feelings I felt when it happened - scared and relatively helpless - and became anxious that it would happen again.

Then after a while, I got angry. I denied this man a dance so he felt the need to assert his dominance by grabbing me? What made him think he had a right to any part of my body?

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I began discussing the incident at length with my friends and soon realized my experience was not uncommon, even among my small circle. Just two months before, my two closest friends and I had all fallen victim to a male friend's unwanted touches on the same night. Another friend had her front side groped on a crowded subway car on her way to work. Yet another had been subjected to a man masturbating next to her on the train.

Though each instance was different, we all had similar reactions: pure shock and an unsure sense of what to do in the moment. We first decided to deal with the guy we had considered our friend. We confronted him (as did my boyfriend, who was not present at the time and had a few choice words of his own). Our "friend" apologized but we collectively decided to stop speaking to him.

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We also discussed what we would do in the future if this should happen again. In a bar or nightclub, we would immediately seek the help of security. On a train or in a public space, we would be vocal and draw attention to the incident and try to find a police officer or transit worker at the nearest station. We haven't done this yet, but I've read it's a good idea to practice with each other exactly how to react if the situation occurred again.

After researching the subject, I came across some great organizations working to end sexual harassment and assault. Stop Street Harassment and Hollaback are both non-profit organizations that work to end street harassment around the world. The Washington D.C.-based Collective Action for Safe Spaces is a similar organization that trains workers at bars to recognize and respond to incidents of sexual harassment and assault among staff and patrons.

The fact that these programs exist makes me feel empowered and hopeful that we are beginning to see a shift in how we as a society view sexual violence. I encourage anyone who's been the victim of sexual assault to get involved and speak out. The only way things are going to change is if we make noise.

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This article originally appeared on EverydayHealth.com: My Body Is Not Public Property - So Don't Grope Me