Boredom: the #1 Relationship Threat

Does your relationship lack a certain luster it once had? Do you find yourself yearning for the butterflies that accompanied the early days, when you were still getting to know one another on an intimate level? Well, if you do, you aren't alone.

In a recent Good in Bed Research survey of 3,341 people (1418 men; 1923 women) in monogamous relationships, we found that a quarter of the sample indicated they were bored in their current relationship. Beyond that, another 25% of respondents reported being on the brink of becoming bored. Although 25% of the sample indicated they felt bored in their relationship overall, when asked how often they felt bored, 37% indicated they felt bored at least once a week, with 16.8% indicating they felt bored almost every day or every day.

Boredom can have a pretty negative impact on your relationship and for about 40% of respondents, this wasn't the first relationship they've felt bored in. In our sample, 20% of the respondents had been unfaithful to their partner at some point as a result of being bored.

Even if you don't find yourself yearning for the more exciting days, you might want to listen up anyway, because you likely will at one point; especially if you're in a monogamous long-term relationship. In monogamous relationships, boredom is inevitable at times. Your relationship will ebb and flow between excitement and boredom over time. Monogamy has often been named as synonymous with monotony, but it doesn't have to be.

The good news? The majority of the respondents (69% of men and 50% of women) were entirely interested in trying something new in the bedroom to combat boredom. An extra 32% of women and 17% of men were mostly or somewhat interested in trying something new. So, here are some suggestions about what to do if you feel relationship boredom setting in:

1. Ask your partner to try something new in the bedroom with you. As noted above, the majority of our survey participants indicated they were up for this. Suggest it as a fantasy at first, or as a dream you had. If you get a negative reaction, blame it on your subconscious. If you get a positive reaction, use that as an opportunity to put it into action.

2. Ask your partner to try something new outside of the bedroom with you. Try a new activity together; take lessons in something you aren't familiar with. There is a body of research that suggests trying new things together as a great way to increase excitement in relationships. Increasing excitement is bound to decrease boredom.

3. Go to the gym together or play sports together. When we workout and get our blood pumping, we increase the chemicals in our brain that make us happy. Also, research has shown that couples that do workouts together have a better sex life than those who don't!

4. Spend more time together. When we asked respondents what they thought would decrease boredom in their relationships, 60% suggested spending more time together. Only 13% of men and 21% of women thought spending less time together would help.

5. Go on dates more frequently. An overwhelming majority of men and women in our survey thought that going on more frequent dates with their partner would decrease boredom in their relationship.

With the support of K-Y Brand, we learned that boredom is certainly a significant problem in a lot of relationships, but we also learned that most people are willing to do something about it in order to keep their relationship on track. Communicate with your partner if you are feeling bored, and suggest making changes in order to keep the excitement alive in your relationship.

By: Kristen Mark, MSc

Kristen Mark is the Research Director for Good in Bed and a doctoral student and sex researcher at Indiana University. She studies sexual pleasure, satisfaction, and sexuality in long-term relationships. For more on Kristen, visit Good in Bed Research.