Hulton ArchiveBy Eric Gillin
Step 1: Spy on Her
Step 2: Determine Your Budget
Take your monthly income, subtract your monthly cable and utility bills, multiply that by the inflation rate in your local area, then realize the economy isn't getting any better and neither are any of us. Look, just get her a large-enough piece of metal and diamond that doesn't make you go broke or look like a cheap bastard.
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Step 3: Time Your Spending Well
Once said piece of metal and diamond gets in your possession, you're going to want to get rid of it like week-old sushi. How you propose is personal, and when you do is part of that. So don't start the process until you have the bended-knee part figured out.
Step 4: Start Shopping
As in prison, you walk up to the biggest guy and try to kick his ass. You won't win, but it toughens you, the whole thing. Try one of those jewelry stores - no malls - with salesmen who work on commission. Leave your credit card at home - no means no.
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Step 5: Really Start Shopping
Congratulations: You're no longer a sucker. Now talk to that friend of hers. Figure out the cut she wants. The "setting," which is most definitely a thing. Maybe look at those pictures you took on your iPhone. Start looking at left hands. Look online when you're bored. Take a couple months, is what you should do.
Step 6: Purchase
Damn, that is a lot of money. But it's not like she's going to sell it, right? Right?
Photo credit: Hulton Archive
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Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.