Date Night: Keeping the Spark Alive

In the spirit of the holiday season, I found myself watching Four Christmases, a holiday movie that features a young couple who focus on doing activities together, going on regular dates, and who avoid the holidays with family like the plague by instead getting away from it all on an exotic vacation.

At Good in Bed, our last survey was about how the holidays impact sex and relationships. The characters in Four Christmases, played by Reece Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn, reminded me of some of our findings from that survey, when their relationship fell apart when their plans for vacation on the holidays were replaced by attending four different family functions for the holidays. In our survey, the winter holidays (e.g., Hanukkah, Christmas, etc.) were ranked third place in holidays that negatively interfere with the relationship, behind Halloween and Thanksgiving. Although individuals reported that the holidays can certainly be stressful, the winter holidays, such as Christmas or Hanukkah, also ranked first as the most beneficial holiday to their relationship (37.3% of men and 32.9% of women). So although holidays can throw a wrench into a relationship, as displayed in the movie, some couples make the most of this family time and use the time off of work and the time with family as an opportunity to improve their relationship.

In one of the first few scenes of Four Christmases, the couple is seen taking dance lessons. This is just one of the many activities they do together, just for fun. Research by Dr. Aron has revealed that there might be something to expanding your life through learning new things with your romantic partner. Aron and Aron's (1986) self-expansion model demonstrates that people ultimately seek to form relationships that grow and expand themselves. Research has shown that couples who are in self-expanding relationships are more relationally satisfied. Relationship satisfaction is directly positively related to sexual satisfaction; when one is high, the other follows. So there may be more benefit than just fun in trying new things with your partner and in expanding each other to explore unfamiliar territory. There is also research that suggests when you try something with your partner that is new to both of you, you form unique bonds that result in greater relationship satisfaction. More reason to do new things together.

So, perhaps there is more to scheduling a date-night with your partner than simply keeping things exciting and staying connected with one another. All of this has led the researchers at Good in Bed to explore the idea of date night and we are currently recruiting participants. We want to know how (and if) placing an emphasis on going on dates with your partner impacts your relationship and sex life. If you're over 18 years of age, currently in a committed relationship, and interested in participating, click here. We're offering a coupon for a free ebook from our large selection (check out the selection here) as a thank you for participating. In addition, you'll be entered into a draw for free sample KY product.

With the holiday season upon us, we here at Good in Bed hope that your holidays are merry and you can find time to reconnect with your partner in the hustle and bustle of it all. And if you get a moment, fill out our survey and let us know how you navigate date-night.