When Did Dating Become Passé?

Robin Wright is a gorgeous Golden Globe-winning actress on the hit show “House of Cards,” engaged to a man 14 years her junior. But prior to meeting her fiancé three years ago, Wright, 47, had never been asked on a date.

In a recent interview with The Telegraph, Wright said that before her now-fiancé, 33-year-old Ben Foster, invited her to a poetry recital in 2011, she wasn't familiar with the concept of a proper date. “I’d never, ever been asked out on a date before,” she said. “Never. I was frickin’ married my whole life, and even before that I hadn’t been asked out.”

In all fairness, Wright married young. By age 23, she had wed and divorced soap star Dane Witherspoon and would soon kick off what would be a tumultuous 20-year relationship with Hollywood bad boy Sean Penn. Over the course of their 14-year marriage, the pair, who have two children together, filed for divorce and reconciled multiple times before finally pulling the plug in 2010.

Whether it’s happening in Hollywood or in “real life,” somewhere along the way, dating became a murky, antiquated concept. Maybe a cute guy sends a last-minute text asking you to “meet up" with him and his friends. Or, you agree to “hang out” with someone, but you’re hesitant to call it a date. If these scenarios sound familiar, you’re hardly alone — according to one recent study, 69 percent of men and women are unclear as to whether an outing with someone they’re interested in, is, in fact, considered a “date.” Some of the study participants defined a date as "a planned one-on-one hangout;” others stated that group get-togethers count. A small but significant minority agree that if the man initiates the plan, it’s officially a “date.”

Why is the topic so confusing? According to Paul Hokemeyer, PhD, a New York City-based marital therapist, singles are experiencing a phenomenon called ‘Romantic ADD,’ due to the popularity of Internet dating. “Dating requires effort — planning, decision-making, execution, and follow-through — and the smorgasbord of attractive online daters that could be compatible makes people non-commital, even if they're truly looking for love," he tells Yahoo Shine.

What’s more, thanks to the shaky economy, in which more men than women lost jobs, gender roles have drastically changed over the past few years. “It’s possible that due to women dominating the workforce and more men unemployed, guys aren’t sure what their roles are anymore,” he says. “And if a man isn’t accustomed to taking the lead in life, he won’t when it comes to love.”

And finally, the rise of social media has muddled the concept of quality time. “We live in an urgent stack of superficial status updates and it’s easy to confuse 'catching up' online with actual bonding,” says Hokemeyer. "We've lost our ability to truly connect, which is exactly what dating requires.” And let’s not forget that Facebook is home to cute co-workers, crushes, and exes, all just one click away — not exactly the recipe for a monogamous mindset. 

So, how can we revive the date? "People avoid labeling relationships for fear of appearing too eager, but doing so avoids confusion," says Hokemeyer. It also singles out the serious guys. Someone who avoids the "D" word is laying the groundwork for bad behavior — if he doesn't call or confirm plans, he might think it's acceptable because it wasn't a "date" to begin with. "Be clear about your expectations upfront," advises Hokemeyer. "It's actually OK to have 'the talk.'"