Dear Whys Guy: "How Can I Get My Husband to Lose Weight Without Being a Nag?"

By Aaron Traister, REDBOOK


How can I get my husband to lose weight without being a nag? I am married to a wonderful, handsome man whom I love very much. But through the course of our marriage he has put on about 40 lbs, and I want him to lose it for two reasons: his health and (admittedly) his looks. We have small children, and I've noticed he is more lethargic with them-and he's still in his thirties.

His doctor has told him it wouldn't hurt to lose some weight. We still have sex several times a week, but he's become more, I don't know...sluggish. He just isn't in very good shape. I would definitely be more lusty for him if he were fitter. I am not expecting him to look like some six-packed, vampire-playing actor-even if he's still ten pounds or so overweight, I am fine with that. And I know what you might be thinking. You're right, I'm not a swimsuit model. But I've had kids and worked hard to get back to my pre-pregnancy size 2 self. I make my appearance a priority-not number one, but I like to look good for him and for me. So I stay in shape, dress nicely, do my hair how he likes, wear sexy lingerie for him, etc. He talks about losing weight and says he needs to lose it, but I don't feel like he is sincerely putting in the effort it takes for his health or for me. Any advice?

Related: 5 Dresses Every Woman Should Own


Tell him the sex is "sluggish" and that you think it's because of his weight. That should get his ass in gear. But if he's sensitive, and you think "the stick method" will hurt his feelings, then try "the carrot method." If you want him to get in shape to increase his attractiveness and sexual prowess, show him you appreciate the effort with sexual carrots: Greet him when he gets home from his workout wearing nothing but a terry headband, or turn working out together into foreplay. If you can get him to start taking care of himself for purely hedonistic reasons, maybe he'll realize the whole experience of getting in shape makes him feel better, and he'll start working out for the right reasons.


Need help decoding odd male behavior? Redbook columnist Aaron Traister, who lives in Philadelphia with his wife and two kids, is our resident male who is happy to answer any questions you might have about the mind of a man. Either leave your questions in the comments or email him at with Whys Guy in the subject. Letters, emails, and comments may be edited for clarity and length.

More from REDBOOK:

Connect with REDBOOK:

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.