Debating Going to a Valentine's Party? Why You Should Show Up to Events...Even When You Don't Want To
By Alysia Stern, BounceBack Editorial Staff
When pain is all we can feel, or sadness over rides our happiness, the easiest human reaction is to isolate. If we think that we are all alone, we are inclined to make that thought a reality, by staying alone. Hearts are broken every day in a multitude of ways. Relationships ending can be one of the biggest heart breakers, especially if we are not the one who ended it. The hardest part of loving someone is knowing when to let go and knowing when to say goodbye, even when we don't want to.
For every hour you are focusing on or thinking about your loss or your loved one, the more time you'll spend in pain. Feeling pain is the FIRST step of the healing process. But you have an option to step out of the pain, as best you can, whenever you choose. The next step is dealing with your emotions in an appropriate way, coming up with a game plan, getting a support system, and carrying on with you life to the best of you abilities.
Remember how easy it was to be a child? One of the reasons it seemed so easy was because responsibility was limited and pain was not as intense. Children get skinned knees, and as adults, we get broken hearts. Can you recall your parent wiping away the dirt, placing a band aid on your skinned knee, than telling you to go play again? They said that everything would be alright, so off we went back out side to play. As adults, when we have a broken heart, we need to put a band aid on ourselves (AKA: utilize your support system) and get back out there, and once again trust that everything will be alright.
Open wounds never heal if you keep reopening them. Focusing on a wound will allow it to fester. The best skill to develop would be to learn to change your focus and place your attention on something else. The best way to change your focus would mean you have to get out of yourself, and simply put, just get out, even when you do not want to. Go to that holiday party, RSVP "YES" to that wedding, go to happy hour Friday evening, hit the gym, do anything you can, as long as you do it. The hardest thing you may have to do tonight is get dressed and drag yourself to that karaoke club, but in the end you will have changed your focus, may have helped someone else, and probably have set the stage for new doors to open.
Not listening to your thoughts gets easier after a while. It can be hard not to commit to your emotions. This is not to say that your thoughts or emotions are worthless. But sometimes they are mostly just holding you back. And if you are less identified with them and less wrapped up in them, it becomes easier to NOT act on what they are suggesting that you should do. You may feel life without him or she is like a broken pencil, there is no point. Why go out? But in reality, when you force yourself to get out and get out, you will eventually find "the point."
The actor Matt Damon met his wife by forcing himself to go out when he did not want to. He is quoted as saying, "One night in the middle of the shoot, the crew, a couple guys, said, "We're going to get a beer somewhere." I said, "I'm not really into it." They said, "Come on," and kind of dragged me along. We ended up at a bar where my wife was the bartender. I literally saw her across a crowded room, literally, and eight years and four kids later, that's my life. I don't know how else our paths would've crossed if that didn't happen."
Its not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years that count. One way to live is to get out and explore. Even Nike is famous for the quote "JUST DO IT". Create new traditions, make new friends, and attend every social gathering even when you do not want to because you just never know the plethora of positive events that may happen. If you cannot muster the strength to pick up the phone and ask your friends to go out, at least do yourself the favor of accepting their calls to join them. Any way you can get out, just go.
A great website I love is www.meetup.com. You choose your category of interest, or create a new interest. You can chat from home, attend meet up groups, and find yourself in an entire new area of life, which you would have never seen if you just stayed home. You may even find love again. They do say that "for every girl with a broken heart, there's a guy with a glue gun".
BounceBack.com helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life, BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.
More articles on BounceBack.com:
When the Ex is Still Around: 6 Ways to Keep Your Cool
Be a Great "Wingman" This Valentine's Day
The NEWLY Single's Guide to Valentine's Day
Is Staying in a Relationship for Sex OK?
Obsessing Over a Breakup? Stop! Here's How
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