Do Women Really Care About Bad Sex?

Sexual dysfunction is far from uncommon in men and women. Despite dissatisfaction among 43 percent of women, only 10 percent report it. What of the rest? They're what researchers have dubbed "happily dysfunctional."

I don't buy it, though. First, we should account for women who are just too embarrassed to seek help. I have no idea what percent that is, but I'm confident it's a sizable swath of women not reporting problems. Now we should acknowledge, and to be fair so do researchers, that sexual dysfunction in women is not nearly as clear cut as it is in men. If men have erectile dysfunction then they can't have sex, but a lack of desire (the usual suspect for women) does not necessarily prevent sex. Could these women just not care?

It's not about caring or not caring, but the quality of the relationship. Women who are less secure about their relationships find intimacy comforting even when sexual dysfunction occurs, whereas women very confident in their relationships find sexual problems troubling regardless of intimacy. So, really, it's about what else is going on in the relationship. If it's functioning at an optimum level, then a woman is going to be vocal because there's less risk. If not, then she probably won't rock a relationship if it can't withstand a storm.


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