Do You Have Dating Trust Issues? 5 Ways to Forgive...But Not Forget
By Laura Yarborough, BounceBack.com Editorial Staff
Being in a relationship sounds great at first, but in some cases, after a while you may find out that the love you thought was so right was all a lie. You find yourself feeling more and more incompatible and just plain miserable, due to several reasons, but mostly due to a lack of trust, the number one relationship dealbreaker. We all know once you've lost trust, the relationship usually goes downhill.
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So, you start playing the blame game and begin asking a million questions, only to find yourself even more confused and disappointed. And that's fine, because we've all made mistakes - what if you feel like the burned bridges are worth mending? Do you stay or do you go? You may ask yourself, "What's the point of forgiving?" Well, the whole point of forgiving is to help yourself move toward a healthier relationship, whether it's with that person or with someone else. And why not? You deserve the very best!
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Here are 5 ways to forgive the past, but not to forget the lesson as you move forward:
1. Accept It For What It Is.
There is no need to beat around the bush. When someone gives you a reason not to trust, make sure that it is not just you feeling insecure. When this happens, people have a tendency to lash out on others because they are not happy with themselves. It's good to take time to evaluate the situation first, rather than rushing to blame, when there seems like there is a problem brewing. Because you just might be the one creating the trust issue. So, take time and address the issues that you are having. Then you can determine whether it can be fixed or not.
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2. Don't Live In Denial.
After you've confronted the issue and you've confirmed that trust is the problem at hand, do not try and cover it up like it never existed. Yes, love can make you blind at times, but it's just time to pull the wool off your eyes and start to see people's true colors. There's no sense in living a lie just to make others think that you're living the American Dream. Let it be known what you deserve in your life and what you simply will not stand for. If the person loves you, whether a friend, love interest or family member, they will do all they can to make things right.
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3. Stop Trying to Play Detective.
How many times have you spoken to one of your friends and they say "I'll call you back because I'm trying to catch my mate in the act" or you see them checking through their mate's cell phone looking for suspicious phone numbers that might imply that they're cheating? You already know that there's a trust issue, so why are you still looking for more evidence? If you really desire to fix things, the worst thing to do is to keep searching. Instead, take a mental note on all that you have found out and learn to forgive. You can move forward knowing you will not be caught off guard if it happens again. But if the relationship is over, there's still no reason to look further, just let it go and move on.
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4. Don't Dwell On The Past.
Remember that if you are willing to work things out and if you want to build a much healthier relationship, you can't hold on to the past. So if you are having a conversation, don't keep bringing up all the wrongs that have been done to you. Revisiting the past just keeps the door of unhappiness open and can start a lot of other problems. Instead, talk about things that you both like to talk about, that way the conversation will not be so awkward and you can enjoy the time you've spent with each other.
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5. Make An Executive Decision.
The ball is now in your court. You've confronted the trust issues that were destroying your happiness, so now what do you do? You have to decide what's best for you. If the relationship is worth salvaging and you realize that you have some fault in there being trust issues, then your best bet is to forgive and work on ways to building up each others' trust again. However, if it's not meant to be and no matter what you do, you just can't seem to get around the trust issues, then it is okay to break free from all the negativity, move on and be happy.
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Relationships can be messy, especially when you don't have trust, but the good news is that you don't have to settle for less. There comes a time when we all have to forgive, but we don't have to forget. Yes, it's true, we all deserve the very best in life, but keep in mind that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. So when you are feeling fed up with having trust issues, try out some of these suggestions and you'll find forgiveness to be easier than you thought.
Laura Yarborough is an editor and up-and-coming author who loves to inspire. She can usually be found writing about love, relationships, fashion, spirituality and interior design.
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