Does Hooking Up Hurt You?

You Bet…says Laura Sessions Stepp, after spending a year entrenched in the sexually charged world of single 20-something women.

Question: If women don't want a relationship, shouldn't they be able to have no-strings-attached sex as easily as men?

Answer: They can. But just because they can doesn't mean they should. The way chemicals are released in the brain during intercourse is very different in men and women. In women, oxytocin is released. It's a chemical that makes women want to nurture their young and stay close. Men get a huge jolt of testosterone, which suppresses oxytocin, and that's nature's way of saying, leave the nest and go sire offspring somewhere else. So when women think they can have sex and walk away just like guys do, they're having to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle, stay in bed, and look forward to tomorrow. When they get up and walk out, they feel depressed and don't know why.


Question: Besides the commonly known risks of casual sex, like STDs and AIDS, what are some of the other consequences of rampant hooking up?

Answer: Besides alcoholism? Depression. We know from surveys that have been done over the years that-again, due to oxytocin-the shorter a relationship, the more likely it is for depression to occur afterward. Breaking up a longer relationship tends to be less painful, and hookups are nothing if not brief. So this means that girls who hook up have to work really hard to squash or deny those natural feelings of connection, which again leads to depression. Also, casual sex may make later relationships more difficult, particularly if it becomes a pattern, because cheating is common. Trust is elusive. You don't learn how to trust someone; you don't learn how to treat someone in a caring way. And I think if you don't get to practice those things, it's going to be harder down the road to have a successful relationship or marriage.

Stepp reveals what she discovered in her provocative book, Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both. Continue Reading >> Does Hooking Up Hurt You?


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