When Does Sexual and Relationship Boredom Begin?

GoodInBed.com

I've been looking again at the data we collected from 1418 men and 1923 women on how relationship boredom interferes with relationships both sexually and non-sexually. We found a lot of interesting information, and you can check out the full report here.

The purpose of collecting that data was to further understand relationship boredom within the context of committed relationships. We found that 25% of the sample felt bored in their relationship, with an additional 25% on the brink of boredom.

While that information is interesting, I have been immersed in the love literature lately for my dissertation. So another finding from this study is of particular interest to me right now. I checked out what point in the relationship boredom most often occurred, and the most common was between year one and year three.

What is most interesting about this timeline is that in the love and attachment literature, the two year plus or minus six month point n a relationship is where passionate love turns to companionate love.

  • Passionate Love: Characterized by an intense emotional state where one longs for union with their partner. This tends to be accompanied by strong sexual desire between partners.

  • Companionate Love: Characterized by an intense state of connectedness, trust, and reciprocal respect for a partner. Strong sexual desire tends to be replaced with increased intimacy.

So I find it very interesting that individuals reported boredom entering their relationships at the point in time that corresponds with the passion leaving many relationships. Also of potential importance, women more frequently cited this as the time boredom entered the relationship than men.

Not so surprising however, participants cited the first year of the relationship as the time that was least likely to be a time for boredom.

A similar question asked participants what milestones were most likely to lead to relationship boredom, and getting older was the most likely milestone to lead to relationship boredom. This finding is somewhat inconsistent with the time in the relationship most likely to be plagued with boredom.

Below are some of the areas reported as most impacted by relationship boredom:

  • Frequency of sex with partner - 43.7%

  • Communication with partner - 39.1%

  • Relationship happiness - 34.6%

  • Satisfaction of sex with partner - 29.8%

  • Sexual desire for partner - 26.5%

  • Vulnerability to infidelity - 18.2%

  • Attraction to partner - 16.5%

  • Vulnerability to breakup-divorce - 16.0%

All this talk about boredom might seem depressing. It doesn't need to be. Keeping communication open with your partner and ensuring that you combat boredom (check out the results from the Adventurousness Survey in addition to the book 52 Weeks of Amazing Sex for some suggestions). Additionally, the sample indicated that boredom in the relationship was less of a threat to their relationship than financial stress, unfair division of chores, and arguments about in-laws, sex, and kids.

By: Kristen Mark, Good in Bed Survey Director