Don't Let the Fear of Being Alone Keep You Together

Outgrowing a RelationshipOutgrowing a Relationship

By Kelli Cooper for

Our romantic relationships impact our life in a way that other relationships do not. We often view ourselves as one half of an entity that can be all consuming. We build a life with this other person. Our hopes, dreams and expectations for the future are heavily influenced by this aspect of our life. We may feel settled and that we have everything figured out. No union is perfect, but for many of us, we experience something beyond this, a feeling that things are just not working. Life circumstances or deliberate choices to change things about ourselves or our lives can turn us into different people, far different from the ones we were when the relationship began.

Relationship troubles can begin in a million different ways, and for many of us, they begin because we are just simply outgrowing the union. We have changed, we want different things. Our vision for the future and what we hope for our lives to become is different than it once was.

Related: When It Is Time To Say Goodbye

This type of conflict can be particularly hard to deal with because unlike a situation where the relationship is clearly in terrible shape and you know you need to get out as soon as possible, a situation such as this often is not distressing to the point where you feel like you cannot live another day with this person. Our partners are just not the type of people we now want to be with, to form a life with. The other person may be great in every way, he is just no longer your best match. You are far from hating her guts, you are just no longer compatible. Things are not terrible, they are just not ideal; you know you need something different. It may be a perfectly fine relationship in many respects and the thought of ending it can be upsetting or downright terrifying in some instances.

Related: 5 Reasons Not To Give Up On Dating

You may feel filled with doubt and anxiety wondering if you are making the right choice. You may try to rationalize away all the issues that led you to this point in the first place. You wonder if you are asking too much out of life, being too picky, being irrational, have messed up priorities or if the way you think and feel is wrong. I wish there was some magic formula that you could apply to answer these questions with certainty. But, unfortunately, there is no such formula and your feelings are your best bet for making the best choice for you.

Do not let the fear of not finding another person keep you in a relationship that is not working for you. You will only end up alone if you believe you will - you cannot anticipate the million different ways you can meet someone. Do not underestimate the power of clarity and setting intentions. Deciding your current relationship is not working and figuring out what you do want sets very powerful forces in motion.

Related: Is the Fear of Being Alone Keeping You in a Bad Relationship?

Honor your feelings, desires and what you want out of life - do not pay attention to what other people or doing, their relationships or how they live their life, none of it matters when it comes to designing the blueprint for your existence. If you have outgrown your current relationship, work through the fear and do what your heart is telling you to do. You will come out on the other side okay, I promise. You deserve happiness and a loving relationship with your ideal partner. helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life,BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.

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Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who runs the personal development blog Life Made to Order . She is also the author of Passing on Parenthood: A Childfree Woman Speaks Out .She has a passion for personal development and sharing what she has learned in her own journey to help others improve their lives as well