The Dos and Don’ts of Snooping

Maybe you don't think of it as "snooping," but if you've Googled a blind date, rifled through a boyfriend's sock drawer or peeked at his e-mail after he accidentally left it open, you've officially snooped. The good news? You've got company: 83 percent of readers copped to snooping. So right or wrong, since most of us are doing it, we wanted to share some ground rules-you know, to keep you out of jail, er, trouble.
by Kristin Koch, Glamour
CN Digital Studio
DO consider just asking.
Most guys don't volunteer details about their personal business so freely, but not necessarily because they have something to hide. "We think differently-we don't want to know about your ex, so it doesn't occur to us that you'd want to hear about ours," says John, 27. If you're curious, ask.

DON'T jump to conclusions.
Monique, 33, learned this lesson the hard way. "My boyfriend's phone started ringing off the hook in the middle of the night," she says. "He said he didn't recognize the number, but I didn't believe him. So when he went to the bathroom, I called back the number, and it went straight to a woman named Alayna's voice mail. The next time the phone rang, I grabbed it from him, and with tons of 'tude demanded to know who it was. Turns out it was his cousin, whom we call Minty but whose real name is Alayna. She was calling because her car had broken down near us. Oops!"

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DO routine background checks before a first date.
It's not a crime to do a quick Google search or Facebook review to find out about a new man. Stephanie, 35, met a cute guy at a party and gave him her number. Smart lady that she is, before returning the voice mail he left asking her out, she looked him up online and discovered he was more than 10 years her junior and an intern in the same industry "I was horrified," she says, "but so happy I didn't waste an entire night out going out with him."

DON'T think snooping is actually going to help you develop a meaningful relationship with your man.
It takes time and communication to build intimacy. You can't do it by reading his e-mail. Plus, part of the fun of dating someone is discovering more about him through shared experiences. Melanie, 29, did a little cyberstalking and found out a bit too much. "He seemed like everything I wanted," she says. "The problem was that when we went out, I already knew everything he was trying to tell me about himself. What could have been fun felt like

DON'T cross the (legal) line.
If you steal his Social Security number to figure out his financials or break into his apartment to find out if he's cheating, you are breaking more than his trust-and you could end up in prison.

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DON'T tamper with the evidence. If you maybe, kinda, sorta checked his voice mail and discovered a message from his ex, do not, repeat, do not hit Delete. And if you stumble across a cute photo of him as a baby, don't pocket it.

DO make sure you're ready to face what you find.
Remember, Sherlock, there's a reason people say ignorance is bliss. Do you really want to know if his ex could be mistaken for Angelina Jolie? Or what his preference is in porn? Megan, 32, began to have regrets after she opened up the Web browser on her guy's computer and found topless photos of the actresses from the TV series Charmed. "I was shocked more than anything, because who has deep fantasies about Charmed?" she says. There are some things you just don't need to know.

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