Election Night Sex... Who's Better in Bed?

By Screwing the Rules expert Laurel House

It's your duty, get out and vote!It's your duty, get out and vote!

(note: this is filled with stereotypes and intended to be lighthearted... and somewhat true)

You see some hot guy/girl sitting on the other side of the room and your mind can't help itself from going there- "I wonder how they are in bed…"

Hot vs. Not In-Bed Stereotypes
-If she's pretty and perfect she'll probably lay there like a dead fish, but you'll get off anyway because she's hot.
-If he's a bad boy wearing a punk rock t-shirt and a pair of Levi's, get ready for a ride!
-If she's wearing glasses and a button up blouse but you swear you see the hue of a red bra beneath, you know she's going to be a freak in the sheets.
-If he's a buttoned up geek with his hair perfectly combed and his pants pressed… don't hold your breath.

Republican vs. Democrat
But what about if your potential bed partner is a Democrat or Republican? First let's look at the animal associated with each political party, because they are more revealing than you'd think.

Zedonk, Zebra donkey hybrid

Not all democrats are hung like donkeys, but many of them act like them in the bedroom. And not in a bad way! Donkeys move around based on what they want to do in that moment. There isn't much thought that goes into their actions, instead they are all feeling and fun! "Oh that feels good, let's keep doing it!" Be prepared to move around a lot, try out several different positions in one session, get out of breath, and have a blast… but not necessarily cum. It's more about the experience and less about the outcome. If you want to have a lot of fun and a lot of sex, get in bed with a donkey!

(Read: 10 Sex Positions that Burn Serious Calories)

Republicans, like elephants, follow the path. They do what they are supposed to do, stay in line and commit to one decision that they stick with. Sometimes they will get seriously hot and bothered and go of course, but only if they are provoked, and in that case- watch out! Things will get wild and very crazy (think: Vegas Bachelor party). In the bedroom, a republican will know what he's good at, what feels good, and the fastest way to get there. He has a task, a mission, a goal: orgasm, and that goal will be met. Why? Republicans tend to be more rigid, traditional, and singularly focused. Missionary or doggie style are a good bet.

(Watch: Guys, Just Because Our Rabbits Move Fast, Doesn't Mean You Have To...)

So Who Has MORE and BETTER Sex… Democrats or Republicans?
But don't just take my word for it. There are studies that back me up! Match.com and Binghamton University conducted a study of more than 5,000 single American men and women of both parties and found that the liberals had more sex more often, but conservatives said they had "better" sex.
If you ask me, that might also be because Republicans "think" they are great in bed… ie: they get off, but you might not.

If you want to talk numbers, 53% of Republicans said that they reached orgasm every time they had sex, while only 40% of Democrats came to that explosive conclusion.

Beyond Sex, What Kind of Partner is Each Party Looking For?
When it comes to what Democrats vs Republicans look for in a partner, their interests seem to mimic their political personalities. The Democrats surveyed placed more importance on fun, humor, independence and equality in a partner. Marriage is important, but not the priority. Republicans, on the other hand, sought out partners of a similar background and political belief system. To Republicans, marriage is the end goal and the focus.

At the end of the day, you need to determine what's most important to you? The journey or the destination…



Screwing The RulesLaurel House is a Dating and Relationship Expert, 4x published Lifestyle Author, Personal Trainer, and nationally recognized print and online magazine Writer covering travel, relationships, healthy food and fitness (Women's Health, First for Women, Men's Journal, Yahoo! Shine, Elegant Bride, Fit, Spa, Fit Yoga, Playboy, etc). Beyond writing, she has appeared as an expert on television morning shows including E! News, Weekend TODAY, The Daily Buzz, Better.TV, KTLA Morning News, CBS, Fox, NBC, and ABC Morning News shows both locally and nationally, and her YouTube videos have received over 9 million views. Her 4th book "QuickieChick's Cheat Sheet to Life, Love, Food, Fitness, Fashion and Finance on a Less than Fabulous Budget" was published by St. Martin's in May 2012. She is also hired to give personalized dating and relationship advice at ScrewingTheRules.com.