Ever Been Cheated On? Here Are the Rage Rules
by Gena Kaufman
Ever been cheated on? How do you feel about the woman he cheated with? Less than fondly, probs.
I've been there, done that resentment, so I get it. I'm only human, and when I found out about my boyfriend's affair, you can bet a large, seething chunk of my heart wanted to find that girl and rip every hair out of her unfortunately adorable head. Three things stopped me: My dignity, my desire not to go to jail, and my very firm no girl-on-girl crime mindset. (Okay, and also my lack of upper body strength. I'm not very tough.)
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On last night's episode of The Mindy Project, Mindy and her ex-boyfriend Josh's other ex-girlfriend Heather did not display such restraint when charming Ellie Kemper made a return to the show to let Mindy know she was trying to move into her building. I like this show and adore Mindy Kaling in general, but I didn't love this catfight the first time around, and I was disappointed to see it continue after the initial freak out of discovering Josh's infidelity. Ladies! This guy screwed both of you and neither of you were a part of the lies! You should be best friends, bonding over this jerk and also inviting me over to share your clothes and put on each other's makeup. OK, see you Friday night!
In the meantime, I'm laying down the law of exactly when and how much you're actually allowed to hate the other women. In the spirit of sisterhood, I want to say never, but in the cold harsh light of reality, I'm going to give us all a little bit of leeway.
The Rage Rules:
1) You are allowed to hate the other woman on the day you find out about her. It might not be rational, or fair, or feminist, but you just got cheated on. You can hate EVERYONE today. Talk crap about a woman you don't even know to your friends and imagine drop kicking her while you burn off some major rage calories at the gym.
2) During this initial Day O' Hatred, your anger must be kept to imaginary revenge. You will not throw eggs at her house or call her a slut on Facebook. You know how we feel about that word and about revenge plots in general. However, after the initial period of pure rage, you must remember that your boyfriend betrayed you, not this girl. Crap talking (about her, anyway) must cease. You may still secretly, unfairly resent her for up to one month.
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3) If you discover that she had no idea you existed, you must cease hating her immediately. Seriously, she got duped too. You don't actually have to become best friends, but you're misplacing the blame if you're still hoping she gets an incurable case of acne.
4) If she knew about you and purposely helped your boyfriend sneak around behind your back, OK fine. You can hate her a little. That wasn't cool. But remember that it was still the guy who ultimately betrayed you. Also, all that negativity will only hurt you and give you frown lines, so probably you should just let it go anyway.
You can think it's totally weird if she applies to live in your building, and you don't have to like it. Even though you're over hating her, that's just awkward.
However, if she messes with your NYC apartment rental application, you are absolutely allowed to smash a cake in her stupid face and hate her forever. This has nothing to do with the complexities of love or feminism. This is impossibly frustrating New York real estate. What kind of monster would do that to another human being? Go for it, girl.
Have you ever had to deal with "the other woman"? How did you handle it? Did you hate her or forgive her? Agree or disagree with these rules?
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