Is it Ever OK to Snoop in a Relationship?

Facebook, Twitter,, I wonder if she has a MySpace page, too.Facebook, Twitter,, I wonder if she has a MySpace page, too.You know, I've never seen an article online or in print that was titled anything like Five Good Reasons You Should Snoop in Your Boyfriend's Email. It just doesn't happen, because, well… to do so would be stupid. That's why at least once a week we see title's like's recent Why Checking Your Partner's Email And Phone Is Not Smart.

But, despite all the warnings from social experts, it continues to be a problem. I know because A) I've had women do it to me and B) I've had a friend or two defend their actions in that arena.

I was at dinner a few weeks ago when I brought the topic up in a conversation. "Is it ever okay to snoop in the email of the person you love?" I was astounded that the person I was talking to, someone who I admire and think is completely sane and rational, replied, "Of course it's okay. Her email is my email, that's the way I see it." I laughed (nervously) and asked if she knew he thought that way. "No," he replied. "If she knew she'd just use some other form of communication should she ever decide to mess around on me."

I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to jump on the web and prove to him just how dangerous it was to think that way. Instead, I chilled out and realized that everyone has their reasons for doing anything. "Has she ever given you reason to think she might cheat?" I asked him.

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"Well, no. Not really. I just have my concerns."

Sigh. I about flew off of my seat. There are so many dang reasons that snooping around is never a good thing.

Personally, I don't think I need to rehash everything that was written in the article I linked above. I do, however, think you should go read it. It was a great look at snooping in general, and even covers the difference between snooping and stalking (is there one?).

I don't know if reading my emails has ever been a problem. But snooping in my text messages has been a couple of times. And frankly, I don't need it in my life. I have never cheated while in a committed relationship. I never will. I know myself. I trust myself. I expect the same from the girl I'm with. I have, however, been cheated on while in a committed relationship. I know that it's a possibility in the future. Yet, I choose to trust whoever I'm with. Implicitly. And without question.

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To assume that I'll be cheated on only opens the door nice and wide to be cheated on. To trust without boundaries lessens the chances of infidelity happening. Immensely. And besides, if she's going to cheat on me, I'd rather she do it as soon as possible so that I can move on and not waste any more of my life on her than I have to. I've got better things to do.

- By Dan Pearce

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Dan Pearce is writer of the hit-blog Single Dad Laughing ( and author of the book, The Real Dad Rules.

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