The Fear of Being the Bad Guy
Posted by James Lane for BounceBack.com
No one likes breaking up. I think that is a pretty fair statement. But usually, the person getting broken up with, also known as the dumped, like it a whole lot less. Sometimes they see it coming a mile away, but other times they are completely blind sighted when their loving partner sits them down and wants to have…"The Talk".
"The Talk", as everyone knows, is the end of every relationship. The breaker upper already has it in their minds that this is it. They will say their peace and nothing you can say or do will change their minds.
The person who does the dumping is usually looked at as the bad guy. They are the ones who are ending the relationship. All of the power and control is in their hands. And sometimes, maybe because of pride, the dumper does not want to be seen as the bad guy. So this is what they do.
They will do anything in their power to make the other person break up with them, by either acting insanely jealous, starting fights over nothing, not answering their phone calls, and basically doing everything possible to get the other person to break up with them. Sort of like "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" behavior, but the title is changed to "How to get your partner to break up with you in less than 10 days".
Related: The Single Worst Piece of Breakup Advice
You may think this is silly and that no one ever really does this sort of behavior. Well, I actually have a friend who did this exact thing, and it only took a week for their significant other to call it quits.
He was in a bad relationship. He knew it. I certainly knew it. But his girlfriend had no idea. She was in love with him and definitely thought this was the lasting relationship she had been searching for. This was going to be the man she was going to marry. My friend felt bad that he did not feel the same, and in fear of being the bad guy, he did not want to break up with her. So he stayed in the relationship.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he decided that the only way out of this was to make it look like she was the one breaking up with him, so neither of them would get hurt. He would make sure she would be so mad, annoyed, and over the relationship, that she would then become the bad guy, and he would get what he eventually wanted: to be single.
So, he did what any respectable man in a relationship would do. He went through her phone, starting fits of rage and jealousy. "Who is this man who keeps calling you every day!?" he would scream, to which she would respond with "My dad."
He would cancel plans an hour before they were supposed to go to a movie. He would take her to fast food restaurants on weekends for dinner. He would even sometimes call her by a different name.
After only a week of this behavior, she finally sat him down and said, "We need to talk". I can only imagine how big his smile was at this point. And just like that, he was out of the relationship without having to hurt anyone's feelings. She did ask if they could still be friends, and through his fake sobbing, he agreed.
Related: Battle of the Sexes: Who Handles a Breakup Better?
When I first heard this story, I thought this was the lowest of the low. How immature do you have to be to not be able to break up with your partner? But then as I really thought about it, I realized it was sort of genius.
No one likes breaking up with someone, especially if they are so involved, so in love, and so desperately blinded that there are any problems at all. This little tactic makes sure that the relationship ends, but no one's feelings really get hurt.
Related: When You Know It's Time to Go, Stand By Your Decision
So, next time you want out of a relationship, but do not want to look like the bad guy, just call your boyfriend or girlfriend the wrong name and take them to McDonalds for dinner on a Friday night. Before you have consumed the last French fry, the relationship will be over.
Follow James' blogs Fatal Abstraction and Expiration Dating.
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