Filling Your Whole Without Sex - Part Deux
As I alluded to in the last post, loneliness is a cultural epidemic that keeps us in a constant state of running. I'm as guilty of this as the next person. "I must take a photo and put this on my blog!" I've been known to say to myself so many times. And so, the moment with my children is once again interrupted as I rush for my camera, rush for the battery refill, and grab the snap shot. When the munchkins are sleeping (often before) I'll download the photo and publish my post. While I type, my husband predictably will be sitting alone in the other room.
But he's far from lonely. He's got his TV to watch. Or his Ipod to surf. Or his car magazine to read. He craves his alone time. It's perfect!
"So what's the problem?" You might say. "Everyone is happy."
I'd agree with this statement, but the truth is, down the layers, we're not ultimately satisfied. Hobbies, while vital to self fulfillment, do not replace relationship.
"So spend more time with your husband," you could say.
I often do. But sometimes, despite togetherness, my restless nature rises.
"You're an unending pit of need," you might quip. My answer? "Duh."
And yet, I've taken four giant steps in shielding me from making some truly stupid decisions.
I have stopped nagging Rex for not entertaining me twenty four hours/day
I have started accepting the fact that I have a loneliness hole, right or wrong, that constantly needs filling
I choose positive pursuits over negative ones to supplement my personal relationships
(And this one is the hardest) I've realized that true relationship comes from within
Knowledge of these four items has taken immense pressure away from me to have the "perfect relationship." I can now focus on the one person I can truly control: Me. (And even that's sketchy, but we'll go with it for now.)
In searching for books on this subject, I found one that seems to talk about this topic with much more grace than I ever could. In On Love and Loneliness, Jiddu Krishnamurti writes, ""It is only when the mind is not escaping in any form that it is possible to be in direct communion with that thing we call loneliness, the alone, and to have communion with that thing, there must be affection, there must be love."
Easier said than done, but I'll give it a shot and read it. Maybe some of you might want to also. For those of you who are coming here just for quick slices of entertainment, I'll get back to the regular scheduled program soon. But honestly, in my heart, I can't help but think that only in knowing yourself (via any route that works for you - God (my choice) Yoga, 6:30 runs in the park) will you have the greatest chance at love in any relationship. Which ultimately leads to amazing sex. Which leads me back to the theme of my column!
Posted by Andrea Frazer
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