What Guys Say Vs. What They Really Mean

By Frank Kobola

Guys aren't really complex or nuanced in terms of how we communicate. For the most part, what we say is what we mean. I realize women assume there's subtext to our statements, or that we play mind games, but our mind game is not playing mind games. It's like Inception if there were no dreams at all and everything going on in the movie was happening at face value. With that in mind, here are some things we say, and what we really mean when we say them:

1. When you present us with a choice and we say, "I don't care, you pick." We literally and absolutely mean it. There's no pressure on your end. Whether the question is, "What should we get for lunch?" or, "What bouquet will look better at our wedding?" we know it's a decision better made by you. Maybe we're avoiding a potential fight, or maybe we know we're just out of our element. Your best response at this point is just to make your choice and never look back. Oftentimes, these situations can result in weird stalemates, wherein you keep asking us, "Are you sure?" and we keep repeating that we literally don't have an opinion. I'm pretty sure if you added the amount of time couples spend in these conversation loops it would add up to weeks.

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2. If you want to engage us in a serious conversation while we're in the middle of something and we say, "Can we do this later?" We're not trying to be rude, we're seriously really bad at paying attention. We can't catch up on The Walking Dead and listen to you at the same time. I realize you don't think you're interrupting but we want to give you our full attention and also have the ability to wrap up the adventures of Rick Grimes and Co. in a timely fashion. There's an obvious caveat here: if it's something really important and we don't want to stop what we're doing, then we're just being jerks. If it's something that can wait a few minutes, we just want to wrap up what we're doing and then focus on you. It's not a slight.

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3. When you're talking about one of your friends and we say, "Oh, she's really funny/nice/friendly." We mean it. We're terrible at compliments. (Seriously, ask us to say something nice about our best guy friend, and see what kind of painfully awkward responses you get.) It also doesn't mean we're crazy about them. It just means we don't want to claw our eyes out whenever we all hang out, which I guess is still a pro.

4. When you're wearing a new dress and we say, "You look nice." We honestly just happened to notice your outfit. It doesn't mean we think everything you've ever worn up to that point looks awful. We're not all good at recognizing when you've got new clothes. Unless it's coming from a guy with pretty good fashion sense, it probably means the clothing is somehow revealing. The majority of the time, if we're complimenting you, on some subconscious level it's because what you're wearing is sexy.

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5. When we say, "You're not like a normal girl." We're not calling you weird. Well, maybe we are, but that statement is meant to be flattering. What we're really saying is, "You're not like anyone I've ever met," which definitely sounds a lot more romantic than us muttering, "You're not normal," while we shove Doritos into our mouths, but it's the thought that counts, right?


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