Handstands. And Why It's OK NOT To Do Them
Today my daughter graduates from high school. Her father is here from Georgia for the week. Yesterday he gave her a beautiful ring and an amazingly generous check. He did the same for my son the year before.
When we got divorced, he told me that I should hold no hope that he would ever love me again. Also, he ended up getting together with our neighbor's daughter - 15 years younger than me.
I remember one day when my daughter came home from a weekend with the new couple "Mama, Miss Bobbie can do handstands!"
I couldn't do a handstand.
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I called a girlfriend and told her and she said "Oh, God. I know you - don't even try to do it."
She was right. I didn't need to do a headstand to compete. It wouldn't have been "me."
I started right then and there to hold up the great things about my children's father and his fiance. When they sent home a picture of themselves in formal wear in front of my old home I framed it and put it where the children could see it. When we went to events together and people exclaimed over her beauty I smiled and said, "Yes - isn't she lovely?"
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It wasn't always easy - I remember falling on the kitchen floor after "my family" drove off together with their dad and his love on Christmas day. But only after I had hugged them all goodbye and stood at the door waving and blowing kisses with a big smile on my face.
What I learned that by being happy for what I did have, and allowing my former husband to have his joy - is that eventually the pain completely disappeared.
So, when my children receive such generosity from their father - I know I don't have to try and compete. We each give different gifts to them.
I think of mine as a mental handstand. A really good trick to learn.
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