Having Just One Love of Your Life is a Lie

woman placing wedding band on husband's finger marriage vowswoman placing wedding band on husband's finger marriage vowsA friend of mine who has been twice divorced and is currently married to hubby number three recently shared something on Facebook I found intriguing. Her friend, who is a sex and relationship consultant, said she doesn't believe in lifelong relationships. She believes in "relationship-long relationships." Interesting, right? Definitely makes you think twice about "'til death do us part."

Don't get me wrong -- I believe in marriage, commitment, and ultimately finding "the one" (who I believe is really the person you choose to be the one). But believing in "relationship-long relationships" instead of "lifelong relationships" certainly seems more realistic.

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Here's the thing ... don't we all sort of live various lives within our one life? And we often find ourselves with different partners who simply "fit" into a separate "life" within our lifetime. Like when I was a teen, trying to find myself, striving to be cool, artsy, I was seeing a sweet, sensitive musician who I thought was just the epitome of unconventional, out there, and cool. Or when I was in college, I must have had the urge to be more urban, more east coast, so I was with guys who grew up in NYC and Boston, who were engrossed in those cities' cultures. Now, I'm with the man I hope to marry, and he's like the Yin to my Yang. I'm positive that without past loves, I would have never found my way to him, just as how all my other "lives" lead up to this one I'm enjoying presently.

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Also, think of it this way. A serious relationship could run its course at four months, whereas another may last three years, and then one day, you meet the guy you're married to for 40 years. But just because you end up spending most of your "lifetime" with your husband doesn't mean you didn't ever actually love the others. Or that remarried people never actually loved their previous spouse(s). Or you couldn't love someone else if -- God forbid -- your partner passed away, you know? I mean, for a cheesy/fictional but prime example, just look at Rose and Jack in Titanic! Despite the microscopically short time they knew one another, they were definitely loves of one another's lives. The only? Probably not.

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Being comfortable with this concept is awesome, because it not only takes pressure off by dismissing that idea that you can only ever truly love one person, but it also gives humans a bit more credit! We're capable of love, a LOT of love, and within our one life, we're constantly evolving. Seems super-romantic to me.

Do you believe there's only one love of your life, or do you think it's possible to have multiple "loves of our lives"?

Image via makelessnoise/Flickr

Written by Maressa Brown on CafeMom's blog, The Stir.

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